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‘The Road Trip’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Road Trip

209. The Road Trip

Aired November 30, 2014

When Jake and Amy are forced to stay in a romantic hotel overnight while transporting a criminal, Jake turns the trip into a romantic retreat by inviting his girlfriend, Sophia, and Amy's boyfriend, Teddy. Meanwhile, Charles is eager to help Captain Holt when he asks for cooking advice, while Rosa refuses to admit she is sick.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I have zero interest in food. If it were feasible, my diet would consist entirely of flavorless beige smoothies containing all the nutrients required by the human animal.


Quote from Captain Holt

Charles: Try being more descriptive. I know you love Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches. Why?
Captain Holt: Their components have a long shelf life, they're cost effective, and they're so simple a child could make them.

Quote from Amy

Jake: I thought you guys were solid. Didn't you just get a joint Library Card?
Amy: Don't remind me. I'm going to be untangling that web for a month.

Quote from Rosa

Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, is that a smile I see?
Rosa: Possibly. My immune system is too weak to fight off my smile muscles.

Quote from Hitchcock

Rosa: (Answering Hitchock's phone) Hello. No, there's no Michael here. You have the wrong number. Good-bye.
Hitchcock: I'm Michael.
Rosa: That's a dumb name, but it's yours, and you should be proud of it because you are the greatest Detective I've ever known.
Hitchcock: No doy, Diaz. No doy.

Quote from Charles

Charles: And I'm Twink Tucker.
Jake: You cannot choose your own name any more.
Charles: I got a job at the docks to support my drug habit, but I kept it - (In an Irish accent) Because I love the seagulls.
Jake: What, are you Irish now? No.

Quote from Gina

Sergeant Jeffords: What's going on, Diaz, are you sick?
Gina: Do you have cholera? Is it typhoid? Are you a vampire? My horoscope said to wear a cowl neck today and I laughed!

Quote from Charles

Charles: What you did is the culinary equivalent of unprotected sex.

Quote from Charles

Captain Holt: Anyway, tomorrow's my anniversary with Kevin. I'd like to cook him an impressive breakfast. Could you help orient me with that process?
Charles: I'd be honored. Preparing food for one's lover is the most intimate gift of all. Aside from washing their hair.

Quote from Gina

Sergeant Jeffords: Okay, if Diaz won't accept our help, we got to go behind her back.
Gina: We definitely should go behind her back. That's the opposite side of where the germs are coming from.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Just let me help you. I'll get your perp to talk. I can be very persuasive.
I just negotiated my baby girls down from a pony to a hamster.

Quote from Charles

Charles: Okay, I was looking for more of an emotional connection. For example, my favorite meal is a simple roast chicken and potatoes. It was the only dish my mother knew how to cook, and when I eat it, I feel as though I am once again inside her womb.

Quote from Jake

Amy: I had an airtight breakup plan in place. I made a reservation next thursday at a well-lit Korean restaurant in midtown. It's the least romantic place I could think of.
Jake: Scully's bathroom.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Tonight, I will focus solely on you and Teddy. (Cell phone beeps) And my very naked girlfriend. Wow. Sophia does not care about the cloud at all.

Quote from Scully

Scully: Hey, Boyle. I smell burning. Is Hitchcock roasting corn on the radiator again?
Charles: No. What you smell is the burning wreckage of my relationship with Holt.
Scully: So there's no corn on the cob?

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