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‘The Party’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Party

116. The Party

Aired February 4, 2014

When the precinct celebrate Captain Holt's birthday at his house, they fail to make a good impression on Raymond's husband.

Quote from Jake

Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

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Quote from Gina

Gina: All men are at least 30% attracted to me. My mother cried the day I was born, because she knew she would never be better than me. At any given moment, I'm thinking about one thing: Richard Dreyfuss hunkered over eating dog food. I feel like I'm the Paris of people.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Don't move as a group! You're not gazelles!

Quote from Amy

Amy: Sergeant, I'm learning so much. We both have blue hand towels. We have the same microwave. And, once I buy coasters made out of geodes, we'll both have those.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I'm talking to my credit card company. I tried to get an online subscription to the New Yorker and they declined me. Apparently, based on my previous purchases, they assumed it was fraud. That's crazy. I'm fancy. One time I had coffee-flavored ice cream.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Hello, good sir, I'd like your finest bottle of wine, please.
Eric: That will be $1,600.
Jake: Great, I'd like your $8-est bottle of wine, please.

Quote from Jake

Jake: What is going on out there? We can't tell cop stories, Kevin doesn't find me charming, and a native English speaker referred to Captain Holt as "hilarious." I am flummoxed! That's a word I learned for this party, and I am it!

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: Gina has brought back all the silverware that she stole from your house.
Kevin: What?
Rosa: Also, this clock.
Kevin: Good heavens.
Captain Holt: This isn't ours.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Adult parties? I believe they're called orgies.

Quote from Gina

Rosa: Gina, what are you thinking about right now?
Gina: I was thinking how I would make the perfect American president, based upon my skill set, dance ability and bloodlust.

Quote from Captain Holt

Amy: Hummus, thoughts?
Captain Holt: I have no thoughts about hummus.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Santiago, are you hiding in my bathroom with a dog you're deathly allergic to?
Amy: No.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Apparently my husband Kevin has invited you all to my party. There's very little street parking. No gifts. No singing of Happy Birthday. It should be fun.

Quote from Charles

Charles: No, there's no one in my life. *wink* Sort of a sad thing to wink about, I realize now.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Everyone here needs some instruction on interacting with grown-ups.
Amy: Sergeant, why am I here? I'm always incredibly appropriate. In high school, I was voted "Most Appropriate."
Jake: Ooh, self burn! Those are rare.

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