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‘The Night Shift’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Night Shift

404. The Night Shift

Aired October 11, 2016

As Jake struggles with his first case back at the precinct, he encounters Jess Day, who is visiting New York, and enlists her to help him find his suspect. Meanwhile, Holt researches ways to increase office morale and Amy tries to figure out why Rosa keeps taking such long breaks.

Quote from Jake

Jake: But my point is this: I don't care what time it is. I'm always happy to be here. Nine-Nine! Nine-Niiine! A-Noine-Noine! I'm gonna keep doing it until you guys chime in. A-Noine-Noine!

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Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Should I just go tell everyone to buck up and do their jobs?
Captain Holt: No, the squad's only on night shift because they came down to Florida to save Jake and me. It's my responsibility to fix this, so I'm going to brighten the mood by telling a few jokes. Try this one on for size: I don't care for cheese.I'm a curd-mudgeon. [silence] Wow. You're too tired for humor.

Quote from Charles

Jake: Thank you, okay, so I break the back window, make my way over to the jewelry case. Meanwhile, you're standing lookout by the front door-
Charles: [French accent] Oui, oui.
Jake: Smoking a cigarette. Check it: Ash.
Charles: [French accent] Ooh la la. Okay, so I am smoking.
Jake: What are you doing?
Charles: Oh, Jacques rolls his own cigarettes, a habit he picked up from a prostitute in Marseille, but that is not all he picked up.
Jake: Why do all your characters get STDs?
Charles: [normal voice] Because they're living life!

Quote from Charles

Charles: Now we just gotta pull his files from records.
Jake: Yep, then we bust him, and we'll be done with plenty of time before Nikolaj wakes up.
Charles: [correcting] Nikolaj.
Jake: Hm? Nikolaj, yeah, I said it.
Charles: Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj.
Charles: Not even close. Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj.
Charles: Almost. Nikolaj.
Jake: Nikolaj. I feel like I'm saying it.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I don't think that's good party convo. Uh, maybe we should just name our favorite sailing knot. I'll start. The bowline. How about some tunes? [upbeat Sousa march]
Rosa: Cool, merry-go-round music.
Captain Holt: Yeah, John Phillips Sousa, the Skrillex of his day. C'mon, people, hit the dance floor. Have a good time. Why is no one having a good time? I specifically requested it.

Quote from Charles

Jake: Anyways, I'm back to being a cop. It's all I've thought about for the last six months.
Charles: Hurtful.

Quote from Charles

Jake: Nuh-uh, I'm not gonna let the night shift win. Me and my main man Boyle are about to solve a case. Isn't that right, Charles?
Charles: Oh, you know we will. We'll call ourselves the Night Boys.
Jake: Kind of sounds like a male escort service.
Charles: The Midnight Men.
Jake: Even worse.
Charles: The Dark Stallions.
Jake: Looks like we're going with the Night Boys.
Charles: Whoo!

Quote from Jake

Detective Lohank: Well, well, well, if it isn't one of the world-famous Night Bros.
Jake: It's the Night Boys, and why did I correct you? I would've preferred "Bros."

Quote from Charles

Charles: Oh, my God, this is a dream come true. I gotta get my phone I gotta film this. Oh, but then I'll miss it. Oh, but I want it forever. Agh, but I should stay in the moment. Ah, but then I'll forget. Oh, my God, this is a nightmare.

Quote from Scully

Scully: I don't have any enamel on my teeth, so the cold air is excruciating.
Sergeant Jeffords: Maybe if you brushed your teeth once in a while, this wouldn't be a problem.
Scully: I do brush my teeth. They're decaying from acid reflux. You're embarrassing yourself.

Quote from Scully

Scully: Type 3 and type 9 and 12 and 13, those are all the diabeteses I have.

Quote from Gina

Gina: I personally like the night shift. You know who else is up right now?
Jake: Murderers? Armed robbers?
Gina: [Australian accent] Australians. It's an whole new demographic for me to conquer. [normal voice] I already have the third most followers behind Iggy Azalea and the Perth Zoo Wallaby cam.
Jake: Wow, that's pretty good.
Gina: It's not just good, Jake. [Australian accent] It's bonzer.

Quote from Charles

Charles: Hey, what's up? I can't work the case tonight. Nikolaj's allergies are acting up, and now the dog seems to be allergic to him. It's this whole thing.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah, just because you don't get to sleep or see your loved ones or feel the sun or do anything that brings you joy. That's all.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but the night shift is taking all the fun out of paperwork.

Quote from Amy

Amy: At least we're getting to spend quality time together.
Rosa: Totally. I'll be back in 40 minutes.
Amy: What? Where are you going? We have to finish this by morning.
Rosa: Yeah, I know. I just have something important I have to do.
Amy: What?
Rosa: I have to get ... some pens.
Amy: Then why are you putting your jacket on?
Rosa: Pen store's a block away.
Amy: The nearest pen store is seven blocks away, and it doesn't open until 9:00 a.m. I learned that the hard way.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Captain Holt: Attention, squad. Everyone, gather 'round. I've been researching ways to raise morale, and I found an interesting article in a scientific journal.
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, was it from "The American Journal of No One Cares"?

Quote from Hitchcock

Amy: It's true what they say: Night shift makes for strange bedfellows.
Hitchcock: In your dreams, perv.
Amy: Ugh.


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