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‘The Negotiation’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Negotiation

513. The Negotiation

Aired March 25, 2018

Jake is called upon to negotiate a hostage situation with a jewel thief, only to discover that the culprit seems to be a familiar face. Amy and Gina help Charles with the high demands of his new food truck, and Holt panics when a member of the Police Commissioner selection committee decides to interview Hitchcock about Holt.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: You're looking at a suspension, maybe worse. Unless you can track down Doug Judy and recover those diamonds.
Jake: Can they wait 12 months? I usually run into him about once a year.

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Quote from Hitchcock

Captain Holt: Hitchcock, there's a woman here interviewing detectives a part of the Commissioner selection process.
Hitchcock: All right, I'll go hide in the janitor's closet until this is all over. Thanks for the heads up.
Captain Holt: No, it's too late for that. She wants to talk to you.
Hitchcock: What? No! How could you let this happen? I'm nuts!
Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, calm down, man. We just took her on a tour of the precinct and now she's at lunch. That means we have one hour to teach you how to behave like a human.
Hitchcock: Oh, I see. You're gonna "My Bare Lady" me.
Captain Holt: "My Bare Lady"?
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm assuming it's a "My Fair Lady" porn parody.
Captain Holt: Oh, my. We've got our work cutout for us.

Quote from Charles

Amy: Order up, chef.
Charles: What is this? Why are you making six sandwiches at once?
Amy: It's more efficient. Now we're ready for the next five customers.
Charles: Who gives a hump about efficiency? The perfect meatball sandwich is sauced exactly 70 seconds before being served to maintain bread integrity. So sandwich number one will be fine, but sandwich number six will be a soggy turd. Change in menu. We're serving soggy turds now! Get 'em while they're wet.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Oop, they're looking at us. Act natural.
Captain Holt: Spreadsheet, spreadsheet.
Sergeant Jeffords: Crime, crime.
Captain Holt: Precinct, precinct.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Peralta, there was a botched B & E at a jewelry store on Atlantic that just turned into a hostage situation. They want you to be the negotiator.
Jake: Oh, my God, my prayers have finally been answered.
Rosa: You prayed for a hostage situation?
Jake: Yes, I did. Every single day.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Hello, Miss Sumter.
Miss Sumter: Hello, Captain. I'm excited to speak to you subordinates and learn more about your management style.
Captain Holt: I thought you could talk to Sergeant Jeffords here.
Miss Sumter: Sergeant? Oh, um, I'd rather not talk to a supervisor. I was hoping to interview one of your detectives. Perhaps, um, him?
Captain Holt: No!
Miss Sumter: Excuse me?
Captain Holt: There was a wasp near me, which has since disappeared. You can interview Detective Hitchcock and I am completely fine with that.

Quote from Gina

Charles: Amy, Gina, you came!
Amy: You think I'd miss opening day of your food truck? I'm your biggest fan.
Gina: Also your biggest investor. She was freaking out she was gonna lose a ton of money.
Amy: I told you that in confidence.
Gina: We don't have that kind of relationship.

Quote from Gina

Amy: Okay, Boyle, stop freaking out. I have the day off. I can step in and help.
Gina: Yeah, me too. I'm not off, but I come and go as I please. It's part of my charm. I'm like an outdoor cat.

Quote from Hitchcock

Sergeant Jeffords: Practice introducing yourself.
Hitchcock: Hello, I'm Detective Michael Hitchcock.
Sergeant Jeffords: [chuckles] Nice job. But why are your hands so wet?
Hitchcock: Trick question. The answers disgusting, so I shouldn't tell her.
Sergeant Jeffords: Just don't have wet hands, man!

Quote from Scully

Dennis Cole: Why are we sending him in? One of my men should do it.
Rosa: It would take two of your people three trips each to hold this much food. My guy's a pro.
Scully: I've been carrying takeout since before you were born, son.

Quote from Scully

Dennis Cole: Nice try, Judy.
Scully: Hi, there.
Rosa: Nice work, Dennis, you just caught a man having a medical emergency.
Dennis Cole: Why was there a sheet over his head?
EMT: Couldn't find his pulse.
Scully: Yeah, it's super weak.

Quote from Jake

Doug Judy: We'll be safe here. I know the owner. He'd never turn me in.
Jake: Yeah, I have the exact same relationship with the guy who runs the laser tag place I love. I mean, gun range.
Doug Judy: Peralta, who you out here stuntin' for, huh? I love laser-T. We gotta go sometime, man.
Jake: I was hoping you'd say that. I wasn't stunting.
Doug Judy: A little bit.
Jake: A little stunting.
Doug Judy: You stunted.
Jake: A little bit.

Quote from Jake

Jake: But what about your job? What about Dustin from "Stranger Things"?
Doug Judy: Famous kids are monsters. You do not wanna meet Young Sheldon.
Jake: Really? Ah, that's disappointing. He was so good in "Big Little Lies". Wait, no, we are not talking about this right now!

Quote from Gina

Charles: Hey, guys. Uh, can we talk?
Amy: Let me guess, you got overwhelmed and had to use our six-sandwich technique.
Charles: No, my one at a time system worked perfectly.
Amy: Oh.
Charles: It's just, making Nana Boyle's meatball recipe got me thinking a lot about her-
Amy: And let me guess, you realized she'd be ashamed of how you acted?
Charles: No, Nana Boyle was a monster. She once yelled at me so loud, I fainted.
She was a hateful witch. She died with no friends.
Gina: And let me guess, you realized you were acting just like her and you felt terrible?
Charles: Yes.
Gina: You see, Amy? You don't do "and let me guess" until you're sure you're right.


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