Quote from Adrian Pimento in the episode The Bank Job
Adrian Pimento: Okay, here are the ground rules: You can punch me, kick me, pull my hair, I am a-ok being stabbed, biting and scratching are on the table, you can use fire.
Jake: These are the ground rules? Is there anything off limits?
Adrian Pimento: Damn, man. You got something really sick you wanna do, huh? Oh, you little pervert. All right, I like it. Don't tell me. Surprise me. Ooh, this is gonna be fun.
Quote from Captain Holt in the episode The Favor
Captain Holt: I wish he would turn the radio down.
Jake: You think that's the radio? That sounds like professional music to you?
Captain Holt: All music after Mahler sounds exactly like that.
Quote from Jake in the episode The Slaughterhouse
Jake: Yeah, I really wish he'd show up. I gotta go to the bathroom so bad.
Rosa: That's, like, the third time today, man. What is going on with you?
Jake: Oh, Amy freaked out 'cause I told her I never drink water so now she's making me drink eight glasses a day. It's, like, there's water in soda, there's water in coffee, there's little pools of water on pizza.
Rosa: That's grease, Jake.
Jake: Well, it's wet, isn't it?
Quote from Captain Holt in the episode The Honeypot
Jake: I'm so sorry, sir. This is all my fault. Operation: Double Dragon was a debacle.
Captain Holt: Yes, it was. If only someone had thought to plan a backup operation.
Jake: Did you do something cool?
Captain Holt: I did something very cool. While I was banished to the guest room, I flipped across one of those Thomas Cruise films on Home Box Office, and I realized something. On a spy mission, there's always another twist.
John Kelly: What are you saying?
Captain Holt: I'm saying I knew you would triple-cross our double-cross, so I planted a microphone in the napkin holder. There's one in the flowerpot. Ketchup, mustard. There are mics in both.
Jake: Where?
Captain Holt: In the tips.
Jake: Oh, this is so great. Where else are there mics?
Captain Holt: Nowhere.
Jake: Oh.
Captain Holt: But there are cameras! There's a camera, there's a camera, and there's a camera. I've got you on tape, Kelly. You're screwed. The only thing that's gonna be on your desk in the morning is a list of my demands. Operation: Triple Dragon is complete.
Jake: You named it.
Captain Holt: Not only did I name it, Triple Dragon is an acronym. Two Righteous Individuals Performing Law Enforcement Directives Rapidly Against Gordon Our Nemesis. Triple Dragon!
Jake: This is the best thing that's ever happened!
Quote from Captain Holt in the episode Ding Dong
Rosa: All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.
Captain Holt: As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."
Rosa: [cackles]
Quote from Rosa in the episode 9 Days
Rosa: I want to say a few words. When Jason died seven days ago, I didn't give a rat's ass.
Charles: This is your speech?
Rosa: 'Cause I didn't understand why people care so much about their dumb dogs till I got a dumb dog myself. I've only had Arlo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.
Gina: Very violent eulogy, I like it.
Quote from Charles in the episode Operation Broken Feather
Sergeant Jeffords: So we have good news, and we have bad news.
Charles: My Nana always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie." Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.
A collection of quotes about Jake Peralta's favorite movie franchise, Die Hard.
Quotes from Jake and Amy's relationship including their first date, the first time they said "I love you", their engagement, wedding, and the birth of their child.
The best zingers from Captain Holt's feud with Madeline Wuntch.
A collection of quotes featuring Brooklyn Nine-Nine catchphrases like "Noice", "Smort", "Toit", "Nine Nine!", "Terry loves...", "Cool, cool, cool", "No doubt, no doubt", "Bingpot!", "Bone?!" and "Why?!"
"Title of Your Sex Tape" is a recurring joke from Jake, often used to poke fun at Amy's sex-life. Charles and Amy have also joined in on the act.
"Oh, that's just something we say back at the Nine-Nine." - Charles Boyle