Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Last Ride’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Last Ride

415. The Last Ride

Aired April 25, 2017

In what could be their last case as partners, Jake and Charles go to great extremes to apprehend a local bike thief. Terry shockingly isn't in the lead for "Mr. Nine-Nine" (the detective who has solved the most cases), leaving Rosa determined to boost his ego. Meanwhile, Amy spends some precious time with Holt.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Do not trust any child that chews bubble gum-flavored bubble gum.
Do not trust any adult that chews gum at all.
Never vacation in Banff.

Rate

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Attention, squad. Here's where we stand vis-à-vis whether or not the precinct will be shut down. The precinct will be shut down.

Quote from Hitchcock

Sergeant Jeffords: Besides, it's not about me wanting the record. It's about who currently has it. Hitchcock.
Rosa and Hitchcock: [simultaneously] Hitchcock?

Quote from Captain Holt

Amy: You can still mentor me if we don't work together. We could meet for breakfast every day. You could teach me over eggs.
Captain Holt: Eggs for breakfast? You're further behind than I thought.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: It should take 70 seconds for you to fully gauge someone's character. Here's what to look for: Grammar, posture, scent, attire, level of perspiration, type of shirt collar.
Amy: What's the best type of shirt collar?
Captain Holt: English Spread, obviously, but let's hold the questions until the end.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: When people say, "Good morning," they mean, "Hello." When people say, "How are you?" they mean, "Hello." When people say, "What's up?" they mean, "I am a person not worth talking to."

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: There are two acceptable sleep positions. On back, toes up, arms crossed, or on back, toes up, arms at the side.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Five minutes left. What have I missed? Professional handshake.
Amy: We did that. Fingers with a half-centimeter spread, up, down, then separate.
Captain Holt: Good. Acceptable fabrics?
Amy: Cotton or cotton blend. Wool is for outerwear only, and silk is for sex workers or musicians.
Captain Holt: Right. Good desserts?
Amy: There are none. If you are hungry, you should have had more dinner.
Captain Holt: That's it! We're done. You've been mentored.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Congratulations on getting the record.
Sergeant Jeffords: What are you talking about? I came up short. Hitchcock beat me. What are all these?
Rosa: B&E I worked last year. You noticed a clue I missed. Arson I solved last summer. You gave me advice on how to break the guy in interrogation. Blackmail from '09. You said the nanny did it, and guess what, the nanny did it.
Sergeant Jeffords: I don't understand.
Rosa: You didn't just work your own cases. You helped me and Jake and Charles and Amy. There are hundreds of cases that wouldn't have been solved without you. You add all that up, that's a record nobody's ever gonna touch. Congratulations, Mr. Nine-Nine.
Sergeant Jeffords: Thanks, Diaz.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Attention, squad. I just got off the phone with One Police Plaza. The hearing is over, and here's where we stand vis-à-vis the precinct being shut down. The precinct will not be shut down.

Quote from Gina

Amy: Hey, can I talk to the captain?
Gina: Ugh, he's on the phone. Do you want a coffee while you wait? They made me an extra one on accident.
Amy: Oh, sure. Thank you. Oh, my God! What is that?
Gina: Cement! You just drank cement! Guys, check back in to see if she dies.
Ugh! [choking] You're not really gonna die probably, okay? Just a little honey for the G-Hive. Also you can talk to Holt. He is not on the phone.
Amy: What is happening?
Gina: It's a little something I call two pranks for the price of one!
[Amy enters Holt's office]
Captain Holt: Santiago, I'm on the phone.
Gina: Triple prank!

Quote from Amy

Captain Holt: What do you want?
Amy: Well, since there's a good chance that things are coming to an end, I just wanted to say thank you for everything that you've taught me. I know you may not see yourself as my mentor, but-
Captain Holt: Of course I do. I've been mentoring you all this time.
Amy: [high-pitched squeal] What?
Captain Holt: This is day 1,282 of a nine-year mentorship. Under ordinary circumstances I wouldn't reveal this to you until day 3,300.
Amy: It was real. There was a binder.

Quote from Amy

Amy: There are ten hours left, sir. If you talk fast enough, you can teach me everything.
Captain Holt: Interesting. Okay. You'll have to take notes. Do you think you can keep up?
Amy: Let's just say I was president of the Stenographer's Club in high school for a reason.
Captain Holt: Was the reason because you were the only member?
Amy: Yes.

Quote from Hitchcock

Hitchcock: I busted his butt for filing a false police report.
Scully: He broke his phone, but insurance wouldn't reimburse him unless he reported it as stolen.
Rosa: Are you serious? How the hell did you solve this, Hitchcock?
Hitchcock: Good old-fashioned detective work.
[cut to the bathroom:]
Greg: Yeah, they have no idea. They think the phone was actually stolen.
Hitchcock: [with his trousers around his ankles] You're under arrest, jerk-o.
Scully: [emerging from his stall, with his trousers around his ankles] Don't even think about it.

Quote from Gina

Jake: To the Nine-Nine!
All: Nine-Nine! [all groaning]
Gina: Y'all just drank cement!


 Episode 414 Episode 416 
  Select another episode