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15Quotes from ‘The Cruise’

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Cruise

313. The Cruise

Aired January 26, 2016

Jake and Amy are excited to go on their first real vacation together, but Amy's perfectly planned cruise ship itinerary is thwarted when they discover an old adversary is on board with them. Meanwhile, Gina and Terry help Captain Holt survive a visit from his sister, Debbie (guest star Niecy Nash), and Charles and Rosa vie for the same apartment.

Quote from Captain Holt

Debbie: Look at you. Always working. What happened to my fun big brother?
Captain Holt: Fun? I was never fun. You take that back.

Quote from Amy

Doug Judy: Thank God you were there, Peralta. I knew you wouldn't let your best friend die.
Jake: I'm still gonna arrest you. I just can't do that if you're dead.
Doug Judy: Whatever you gotta tell yourself. Baby steps. It's hard getting him out of his shell.
Amy: Tell me about it. Every time we get emotional, he's like, "Noice, smort."

Quote from Jake

Jake: Hey, can I ask you something?
Amy: Mm-hmm.
Jake: If the toilets drain into the ocean, does that mean a tiny shark could swim up and bite me in the butt?
Amy: No, not at all.
Jake: Psh, lame.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Cruise itineraries, hot out of the laminator. Who's ready for some nonstop totally scheduled fun?

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, you have a pretty low bar for what you consider drama. Once, I used an exclamation point in a email. You called me Diana Ross.
Captain Holt: I assure you, in this case, I do not exaggerate.

Quote from Jake

Amy: Thank you for doing this. I love you.
Jake: Noice. Smort. I love you too.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I need this to settle my nerves. Hurricane Debbie is approaching. My little sister Debbie, she's a real drama queen.
Gina: The drama queen of the Holt family. What, did she laugh out loud one time?
Captain Holt: She's laughed out loud multiple times.

Quote from Charles

Charles: What? You don't need closet space. You have, like, one outfit.

Quote from Captain Holt

Debbie: When we were little, we would go down in the basement, and he would build us a fort. We would stay down there all day. And Ray would sing these silly little made-up songs.
Captain Holt: George and Ira Gershwin did not compose silly, made-up songs.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Okay, so where's this hitman, Judy?
Doug Judy: Look, I don't know who they sent, but he's on the boat. Check out this manifest. Somebody boarded in San Juan named Henry Coles.
Jake: Henry Street and Coles Street, that's the corner of your old chop shop in Brooklyn. This is an alias.
Doug Judy: Mm-hmm. And my porter buddy checked out Henry Coles' cabin, he hasn't been in it yet. He's hiding somewhere on this boat ready to jump out and kill me at any moment. Probably creepin' around in my closet.
Jake: Or stowed away in a lifeboat.
Doug Judy: Or hiding in a wall.
Jake: Or holed up in the engine room.
Doug Judy: Camouflaged in the shrubbery.
Jake: Predator style! No! We are not having fun. You will not suck me in with your wily charms.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: You found me. Drinking seltzer in the shadows.

Quote from Captain Holt

Gina: Captain, the commissioner called again. He wants to know when crime will be down.
Captain Holt: Are you kidding me? What am I supposed to tell him? I'm under so much pressure. I just can't even.

Quote from Captain Holt

Debbie: You got a lot on you. And I don't want to overstay my welcome if that's gonna stress you out.
Captain Holt: It will, especially with Mercury in retrograde.

Quote from Charles

Rosa: Hey, what's going on here? I didn't realize we had more questions to ask Mr.
Gotaro together.
Charles: Oh, we don't. I asked Mr. Gotaro all of them. Wait, hold on. "Gotaro." Isn't that a Andalusian name?
Mr. Gotaro: Yeah.
Charles: What a weird coincidence. Pardon me, Detective Diaz. Last night, I cooked up a ton of Andalusian baby eels.
Rosa: Unbelievable.
Mr. Gotaro: I love angula. I mean, it's impossible to find here.
Charles: Oh, not if you have a ton of disposable income and great credit, like I do.
I think you're gonna love these. I really buttered them up.

Quote from Jake

Doug Judy: Now do you believe me? That guy was trying to kill me.
Jake: All right, fine! Someone wants you dead! You win.


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