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‘The Crime Scene’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Crime Scene

606. The Crime Scene

Aired February 14, 2019

Jake and Rosa must deal with a mother in mourning as they work and rework a crime scene in order to solve a difficult murder case with confusing evidence.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I'm here because Major Crimes wants this case. I was hoping to tell them you have some leads. I overheard you mention a Bill Bo-Baggins. Should we bring him in?
Jake: Well, as much as I would love to meet him, he is not a suspect.

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Quote from Jake

Jake: Who's the Vic?
Officer Jen: Name is Andrew Adams.
Jake: Kind of a boring name. Not dope.
Officer Jen: He's an investigative reporter.
Jake: Dope. What was he investigating?
Officer Jen: Chicken farming.
Jake: Sharp turn away from dopeness, but who found the body?
Officer Jen: His boss called the cops when he didn't show up to work, so he was found by Officer Darrell.
Jake: Officer Darrell? You are seriously undoping this.
Jake: You got anything else for me? Jen?
Officer Jen: The apartment was locked from the inside.
Jake: Mysterious. Dope.
Officer Jen: And the alarm system was still armed.
Jake: Dope, dope, dope, dope. So hard to solve.
Rosa: Any surveillance cameras?
Officer Jen: Oh, yeah. Tons of 'em. We checked 'em.
Jake: It's too easy.
Officer Jen: But no one was seen going in or out. So whoever did this was a ghost.
Jake: Yes! A ghost! Oh! I officially declare this case ... dope!

Quote from Jake

Jake: Hey, Rosa. Check it out. Triple digies! There's so much evidence, we hit triple digies.

Quote from Jake

Jake: But you know what's not cool? Our Vic ordered his dinner from House of Lettuce. There's no way this guy knew he was gonna die. No one would want lettuce as their last meal. For example, my last meal is gon'st to be Sour Straws.
Rosa: You just keep those in your pocket?
Jake: We face death every day. I gotta be prepared to go out on my own terms.

Quote from Jake

Rosa: Will you be willing to go inside and let us know if anything looks different to you?
Max Prescott: Yeah. Sure, that's fine. I don't care. [screams] Why would you show this to me? Oh, I'm too high to see this. There's blood on the fish! On the fish!
[later:]
Jake: I always forget how weirdly numb to horrific things we are. Do you think it affects our souls and the relationships we build with others?
Rosa: Oh, for sure.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Okay. New idea. We're gonna get inside the mind of the killer. We eat the veggie wraps. Here we go. Oh, this sick bastard. Oh, man. This is one twisted mother. Oh, the beets are raw. This guy is demented, Rosa!

Quote from Charles

Jake: There's nothing crazy about this, sister. It's the crime scene: stove, kitchen island, blood, and of course, the body.
Charles: [whispering] Hi, Rosa. I'm the body.
Jake: Shh. Stay in character!
Charles: Roger that.

Quote from Jake

Jake: So, we gonna talk about what happened back there? I haven't seen someone cry that much since Charles heard they were remaking "First Wives Club."

Quote from Jake

Rosa: Where's the footage from the bodega across the street?
Jake: We have that? That is so crazy. We are under surveillance at all times. I'm sure it's fine and it won't backfire and ruin society. Zoom in on his face.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Okay, Rosa. You know what it's time for.
Rosa: I do.
Both: Jake and Rosa's final impressions.
Rosa: Your client's a hit man. He snuck into the apartment during a party several nights earlier, hid in the vent for three days, then emerged and murdered Adams. Jake?
Jake: He then spilled bags of blood that he stole from a blood bank all over the floor and turned on the victim's vacuum cleaner to make the crime scene as messy as possible. Rosa?
Rosa: The messy scene meant there'd be extra crime techs, allowing your client to sneak out in a Hazmat suit, which records show he bought online.
Jake: Two weeks before the crime was committed. My only question is, who was behind all this?
Perp: I was hired by a chicken farmer.
Jake: Okay. Dopeness taking a late hit here, but we still got you. See you at the sentencing, peace, and we're out.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Detectives.
Jake: Ah! Captain. Did you come down here to take a look at the two best detectives you've ever worked with in action?
Captain Holt: The two best detectives I've ever worked with are Montez and Dillman.
Jake: Oh. You never mentioned them before.
Captain Holt: They were excellent.


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