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14Quotes from ‘The Box’

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Box

514. The Box

Aired April 1, 2018

Jake embarks on an all-night long interrogation in order to elicit a confession out of a suspect (guest star Sterling K. Brown). But when Captain Holt skips the opera in order to stay back and help, the two cops clash over how to get him to talk.

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: We have a few more questions for you, doctor.
Captain Holt: Doctor. Huh. It's funny when people call dentists "doctor".
Philip Davidson: We are doctors. We do four years of medical school.
Captain Holt: Yeah, but it's called "dental school".
Philip Davidson: But we learn about the entire body.
Captain Holt: But if you had cancer, you wouldn't call a dentist.
Philip Davidson: You know it's actually harder to get into dental school than medical school.
Captain Holt: Well, because there are fewer dental schools. Because most people want to become actual doctors.
Philip Davidson: That's ridiculous. It's not like we're college professors calling ourselves "doctors".
Captain Holt: Not the same thing, my friend.
Philip Davidson: Well, sure it is. When someone has a heart attack on a plane, do they yell out, "Yo, does anybody here have an Art History PhD?"
Captain Holt: A PhD is a doctorate. It's literally describing a doctor.
Jake: Maybe let's refocus.
Captain Holt: No! The problem here is that medical practitioners have co-opted the word "doctor".
Jake: Okay, Captain-
Captain Holt: I know we live in a world where anything can mean anything, and nobody even cares about etymolo-
[cut to outside, Holt downing a glass of water]
Captain Holt: Apparently that's a trigger for me.
Jake: Yeah, apparently.

Quote from Jake

Jake: That's okay. I have no questions. That's right. I'm about to monologue, son.

Quote from Jake

Jake: So, one day I'm working late when my boss, Robert, surprises me. He found out I was stealing meds. Again, junkie scum. Also again, not your fault. There's a major genetic component to addiction. He says he's gonna file a police report.
I could lose my license. We fight, and something in me just snaps, so I grab the first thing I can find, and I hit him with it.
Lawyer: You still have no murder weapon.
Jake: I do now. Here's a pic I found on Yelp of the surgical suite six months ago, and here is a shot that our crime scene photographer took of the same room two weeks after the murder. Notice any differences?
Lawyer: We're not answering that.
Jake: That's all right, I can just tell you myself. The Yelp shot has six of these heavy-looking glass awards from the Brooklyn Periodontics Society in the background, whereas this shot only has five. What happened to number six? Murdered Robert with it!
Philip Davidson: I didn't.
Jake: You lost all control and you bludgeoned him to death. There must have been blood everywhere, but you got lucky. You were in the surgical suite; it can be sterilized. You never would have gotten away with it in your carpeted office.
Philip Davidson: That's not what happened.
Lawyer: Don't say anything more, Philip.
Jake: And your office manager would have heard all of the screaming but she was at her grandson's play. Lucky again.
Philip Davidson: You're wrong.
Jake: You put Robert's body into a wheelchair and shoved it in the elevator. It's a miracle there wasn't blood everywhere.
Philip Davidson: That's not true.
Jake: Now you're in the garage with a corpse. You panicked and left your phone in your office, and you don't have your car keys, but Robert's are in his pocket so you put him in his car and you take off.
Philip Davidson: No.
Jake: You can't believe what you've done.
Philip Davidson: No.
Lawyer: Philip.
Jake: You're flustered. You have no GPS, so you just start driving.
Philip Davidson: No!
Lawyer: Philip!
Jake: Next thing you know, you're in the Pine Barrens, and it hits you: your uncle's cabin. He has a place there. You're the luckiest son of a bitch.
Philip Davidson: It wasn't luck!
Jake: Yes, it was. You got lucky at every turn!
Philip Davidson: No. I knew exactly where I was driving, I left my phone in the office on purpose, I was in the surgical suite by design, and I didn't use some glass award that any idiot would clearly see was missing. I made a rod out of a special dental polymer, killed him with it, then melted it back down. It's already in a patient's mouth, son!
Captain Holt: Oh, damn. Oh, damn. Oh, damn!
Jake: And that is three oh-damns. Oh, damn!

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: Look, I thought you had him on the calendar reveal. [sighs] But he was a step ahead. You got flustered, and I realized in the moment we could use this to our advantage.
Jake: So what do you want me to do, ask stupid questions?
Captain Holt: Stupid questions, grammatical errors, lose your train of thought, just ask him to confess ooh, relate everything back to those movies you've seen.
Jake: Kinda seems like a shot at me about "Die Hard," but okay.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: What are you smiling about?
Jake: How uncomfortable this guy is. Jacked up the thermostat, got the table all sticky, made one of the chair legs too short, and worst of all, I had Gina greet him.
Captain Holt: What did you have her do?
Jake: Be herself.
Captain Holt: Poor son of a bitch.
Jake: Yeah.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: An interrogation with a ticking clock and everything on the line? I better call Kevin and tell him I won't be attending the opera. There's someone else I'd rather hear sing.
Jake: Oh, damn!
Captain Holt: Hello, Kevin. I won't be joining you at the opera tonight-
Jake: [whispering] Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were on the phone already. Oh, damn!

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: You're right. He did it. But we have no murder weapon, no witnesses, and you really didn't find any usable forensic evidence?
Jake: The body was discovered rotting in the Pine Barrens. It'd been rained on for weeks and chewed up by coyotes. The only other DNA other than the vic's was some bear semen found in the hair.
Captain Holt: Right. Who found the body?
Jake: Hikers. You're really just gonna blow past the bear semen detail?
Captain Holt: I imagine a bear mistook the rotting corpse for a female of its species and had intercourse with it. Nothing I haven't seen before.
Jake: It isn't?

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: This is not a comment on you, Peralta. I just want to bring this guy down.
Jake: Yeah, that's all I want too. And to possibly say, "You can't handle the tooth." You know, if it comes up naturally.
Captain Holt: It won't.
Jake: It might.
Captain Holt: I actually think it can't.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: So, [sighs] after you and Robert fought-
Philip Davidson: Talked.
Captain Holt: You left the office, but you didn't take your car?
Philip Davidson: I went to a bar, The Scotchman. I didn't want to drive drunk, so I took a cab.
Captain Holt: And you didn't have your phone?
Philip Davidson: I left it charging in my office and I didn't realize till I was already out of the building.
Jake: Oh, man, if I go ten minutes without looking at my phone, my pumpkin crop dies on my little farm.
Captain Holt: This is not the time for stories about your digital squash, Peralta.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Where should we start-a-rooski?
Philip Davidson: Don't you think maybe we should just wait till your boss comes back?
Jake: Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Because you're scared. You know I'm playing hardball, except for that the balls are questions. And here they come.
What kind of car did Robert drive? Also, Dana from the bar, what color was her hair, and which night does the cleaning crew sterilize your office, and have you ever been up to where the body was found, and when you left your phone at the office, was it plugged into your computer or an outlet, and did you kill him, and what did your cab driver look like?
Philip Davidson: This seems like a huge waste of time. But, here you go. Robert drove a Saab, Dana's hair was blonde, they sterilize on Wednesdays and Saturdays, I haven't been to Vernon in 20 years, the phone was plugged into the wall, no, I didn't kill him, and the cab driver had a beard and an earring, I'm sorry I didn't get his license number.
Jake: Wow. Very impressive.
Philip Davidson: Yeah.
Jake: You didn't fall for my "did you kill him" gambit.
Philip Davidson: No.
Jake: Although it is interesting that you knew the body was found in Vernon, New York, when that information hasn't been released to the public.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Well, hello, Dolly.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I can't believe you thought I was the dumb cop. I mean, I've watched "Planet Earth". With the British narrator. I can tell you anything you want to know about "three-toed slo-ths" and I got you to say you knew where the body was found, which kinda seems like something only the murderer would've known.

Quote from Jake

Jake: So what did you mean when you said that you hadn't been to Vernon in 20 years?
Philip Davidson: My uncle has a cabin there. I would visit him as a kid.
Jake: Wow. So your uncle owns a cabin in the town that the body was found. That is quite a coincidence.
Philip Davidson: I haven't been there for 20 years. You can call my uncle if you want.
Jake: Oh, we are. So you might as well just confess now, or we can take our sweet time, like the "ma-jestic slo-th".

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: It's a tactical mistake. You're guessing what happened that night. But what if Philip never went to the cabin?
Jake: He did. I can feel it here.
Captain Holt: Your stomach?
Jake: No, my gut.
Captain Holt: Your gut, or intestines, is lower. You should point down here, closer to your pubis.
Jake: I'm good.


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