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‘The Bimbo’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Bimbo

613. The Bimbo

Aired April 18, 2019

Holt and Jake investigate a case at Kevin's university. Back at the precinct, Terry and Amy take the squad out for lunch.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I'm here! I'm here, I'm here. You can start the meeting now.
Captain Holt: The meeting is over. You're late. You missed roll call and the tutorial on using the new copiers. Six years, and no matter how hard I try, I still can't get you to understand the importance of being punctual.
Jake: Maybe you should just give up and accept me for who I am?
Captain Holt: No, I will break you. Right now.
Jake: Oh.
Captain Holt: While you were out being tardy, I was hard at work devising a special punishment. I've crafted an intricate personal high five with everyone in this office except you.
Jake: What? But you hate high fives.
Captain Holt: Yes, every minute of it was hell. But it'll be worse for you. Squad, dismissed. Good-bye, Diaz.
Jake: Salute into a fanny waggle?
Captain Holt: Good-bye, Boyle.
Jake: Oh, the snake charmer!
Captain Holt: Good-bye, Jeffords.
Jake: That's a butt bump.
Captain Holt: Good-bye, Santiago.
Jake: Double fist bump reverse explosion into a Pete Townshend strum. [sighs] All right, that was terrible, but it's over now, and I made it through.
Captain Holt: Good-bye, Leonard from Xerox.
Jake: What? No, no, no. The copy guy?


Quote from Jake

Kevin: So will you help me?
Jake: I don't know. I want to, but keeping a secret from Holt? That's a lot of pressure.
Kevin: Hmm. Am I remembering correctly? Don't you eat pressure for breakfast?
Jake: [gasps] Nic Cage in "The Rock." We are best friends. I am so in!

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: Okay, you know what? Screw this. You are so smart, and we're gonna prove it to those professors. You're gonna work this case, and you're gonna find those coins.
Captain Holt: Well, I suppose it would be nice to show them I'm more than just a hot, dumb piece of ass.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Ah, Dean Allister?
Dean Wesley Allister: Policeman Raymond. Good to see you. [chuckles] Read any interesting magazines lately?
Captain Holt: This again? I was waiting for Kevin, I had finished my book, and I happened to glance at an issue of "The Economist" that someone left lying about.
Dean Wesley Allister: All I remember is you becoming unhinged.
Captain Holt: The only reason I picked it up was to swat a fly. [knocks over a vase] I mean, I'm not crazy. Why are there always flowers here?

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Parmenion was a close advisor to Alexander the Great. Alexander suspected that Parmenion was trying to supplant him, so he executed him.
Jake: He was getting rid of his rival. Sir, you cracked it! You and your big hard brain.
Captain Holt: Hard?
Jake: Yes! You have the biggest, hardest brain on Earth, and I want you to say it. Say "I am Raymond Holt, and my brain is rock hard."
Captain Holt: A brain shouldn't be hard. If anything, I'll say, "I am Raymond Holt, and my brain is soft and wet."
Jake: No, don't say that. It's gross and I hate it. All right, let's go do some cop stuff.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Dean Allister framed Professor Port to get rid of a rival, just as Alexander got rid of Parmenion.
Dean Wesley Allister: Preposterous. Do you even have a shred of evidence to back up that claim?
Captain Holt: Oh, we've got more than a shred. Look at these photos. Here, a footprint from the scene of the crime left by the thief. And here, another print made yesterday by you. You've been caught, Allister!
Jake: Is it happening?
Captain Holt: Caught by me.
Jake: It is happening.
Captain Holt: Me and my rock hard brain.
Jake: It happened!

Quote from Scully

Amy: Okay, everyone calm down. I will put a request in for a new fridge.
Rosa: Good luck getting that approved. Commissioner Kelly's already slashed our budget within an inch of its life.
Hitchcock: Yeah, the toilet paper's only one ply now.
Scully: My butt hurts all the time.
Hitchcock: The AC is broken.
Scully: My butt hurts all the time.
Hitchcock: Scully's butt hurts all the time.
Sergeant Jeffords: All right, guys, we get it.

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