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‘The Big House Pt.1’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Big House Pt.1

501. The Big House Pt.1

Aired September 26, 2017

Jake and Rosa assimilate to their new lives behind bars, but both are coping in very different ways. Jake bonds with his cellmate, Caleb, and is forced to join a prison gang led by notorious inmate Romero, in order to gain his protection. Meanwhile, in the women's prison, Rosa puts Holt and Terry to the test by having them complete outrageous favors for her. Back in the precinct, Amy and Charles are doing all they can to exonerate their colleagues.

Quote from Charles

Sergeant Jeffords: Boyle! Were you dreaming about Jake again?
Charles: Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!

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Quote from Charles

Charles: You used all the touching time, Amy. I get 100% of the goodbye touching time. 100%.

Quote from Charles

Guard: There's an incident in the yard. We're going into lockdown. Inmates, line up.
Jake: No. No, no, no, no, no. I have 50 more minutes. I need this.
Guard: Back to your cells right now.
Charles: No! My touching time.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Pay no attention to him, Rosa. He's very emotional, Rosa.
Rosa: Why are you saying my first name?
Captain Holt: Well, Rosa, I read an article in a medical journal that said one destabilizing aspect of incarceration is the constant dehumanization, Rosa. You need to be reminded that you're more than just a number, Rosa. You are Rosa, Rosa.
Rosa: Yup, that fixes prison.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, also, she's worried about her motorcycle sitting idle, so she wants us to take it out once a day. Here.
Captain Holt: I think you should do this. You're more the biker type. I've seen you use a toothpick in public.
Sergeant Jeffords: Motorcycles are death machines. I have three kids. I'm not risking it.
Captain Holt: Are you saying my life matters less because I don't conform to society's heteronormative, child-centric ideals?
Sergeant Jeffords: Are you really playing the gay card right now?
Captain Holt: Yas, queen.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Oh, were you able to send that email to Adrian?
Captain Holt: Oh, yes, he wrote back right away. It wasn't as graphic as I feared. He wrote the number eight, equal sign, equal sign, equal sign, equal sign, equal sign, equal sign, equal sign, capital D. Oh! I see what this is. This is a-
Rosa: Yup.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I've been on the phone for six hours and I just wanna cancel an account. Yes, you've mentioned the bundles and I don't want home phone service. No, do not transfer me, Rodrigo no, no! No, Rodrigo!

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: So, were you able to cancel my cable?
Captain Holt: Of course. It was easy.
Rosa: Good, because I have something else. I need you to take my dog to Argentina to be with Adrian on his ranch. Now, I know what you're gonna ask me, and the answer is no, I don't have a map of the booby traps, but I can tell you how he thinks.

Quote from Captain Holt

Rosa: I can't believe it took that long. I really thought the cable company was gonna break you.
Captain Holt: It did. But the good news is, you now have Epix, plus some channel called "Tunez," with a Z. Two-year commitment.

Quote from Hitchcock

Sergeant Jeffords: Just eating butter like a popsicle, huh, Boyle?
Charles: Yeah, I know, I'm spoiling myself, but I'm depressed. Or have you forgotten that Jake, my best friend, is in prison?
Scully: Wait, Jake's in prison?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yeah! He and Rosa were framed for a bunch of bank robberies by Lieutenant Hawkins.
Scully: Oh, right. And where's Gina?
Sergeant Jeffords: On maternity leave! We were all at her baby shower last week.
Hitchcock: Okay. And why am I bleeding?
Sergeant Jeffords: I don't know, Hitchcock.
Hitchcock: Oh, so you don't have all the answers. I'm bleeding because my piece-of-crap son-in-law bit me.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Look, we all miss Jake and Rosa, which is why we have to keep working the case. There has to be some way to exonerate them.
Amy: I've been looking, but I can't find anything, and I don't know what to do.
Jake: "I can't find anything and I don't know what to do": title of your sex tape.

Quote from Jake

Charles: So, it sounds like you're isolated and haven't had any chance to make new friends.
Jake: Well, my cellmate, Caleb, is okay.
Charles: Just remember he's in prison. No matter how small the crime, people don't change and don't deserve second chances.
Jake: Charles, relax. I'm not gonna replace you.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Captain, Diaz sent us a list of favors she needs us to do for her. She didn't hold back. First, she wants us to move all her furniture into storage.
Captain Holt: Okay.
Sergeant Jeffords: Then file her taxes for her.
Captain Holt: Really?
Sergeant Jeffords: And then she wants us to type up and email these letters to Pimento in Argentina.
Captain Holt: Are they sexual in nature?
Sergeant Jeffords: Crazy sexual.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I thought they sold ramen at the prison commissary.
Romero: I don't want commissary soups, you stupid little bitch boy.
Jake: Okay, that's fair. I deserve that.
Romero: I want flavors you can only get on the outside Chili-lime shrimp, southwestern chicken. Street flavors.
Caleb: Picante beef.
Romero: Oh, that's my favorite. Get me picante beef, bitch boy.
Jake: Okay, so I just get some ramen and then I get a cell phone. Prison is easy.


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