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15Quotes from ‘The Big House Pt. 2’

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The Big House Pt. 2

502. The Big House Pt. 2

Aired October 3, 2017

When the warden asks Jake to investigate Romero's drug smuggling operation, Jake and Caleb find themselves caught between the loyalty Jake has sworn to both of them. Meanwhile, Amy is offered a deal by a local mobster who claims he can prove that Hawkins is guilty, but Holt and the rest of the gang think they have a safer plan.

Quote from Hitchcock

Amy: Hey, I think I found something interesting. I was double-checking last month's surveillance photos, and I noticed this. Hawkins has two different phones: her normal cell, and then this one that only has one app on the home screen Snapchat.
Hitchcock: Oh, she's up to something. Snapchat messages disappear. You can send anything to anybody, and after they see it, it's like I never sent it.
Captain Holt: Nobody ask Hitchcock why he knows that.

Quote from Jake

Jake: So, I got assigned to this one rookie, and on his training day, I made him smoke angel dust at gunpoint. King Kong ain't got nothing on me.
Tank: Isn't that the plot and tagline of The movie "Training Day"?
Jake: Yes, great observation, Tank. That's because it's based on my life.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Okay. No big deal. Five days is nothing. I'm not afraid to be alone with my thoughts. My thoughts are awesome. "Die Hard 6" on a cruise ship, pizza bagel restaurant, my father never loved me, I'm gonna die alone. Oh, boy, that happened fast. Guard? Guard!

Quote from Amy

Amy: A 300 call number in the fine arts section? What is this, Beirut?
Debbie: You know, you don't work here. You don't have to reshelve the books.
Amy: Well, someone has to. I'm so sorry. I'm just really stressed out. You're a great librarian, and I'm sure you're not the one who shelved this section.
Debbie: I am.
Amy: God, Debbie, what is going on with you?

Quote from Charles

Amy: I understand, but we've been watching Hawkins for a month, and we have nothing to connect her to the robberies. Maybe we should pursue other routes.
Charles: Um, some of us are already pursuing other routes, Amy. [flashback] "This is Charles Boyle, and you're listening to A God in Shackles. This podcast is brought to you by Fun Frames, make your spectacles a spectacle."
Amy: And how is your podcast supposed to get Jake out of prison?
Charles: I lay out the facts, people see he was framed. I build an audience. I get a celebrity listener. It's Debra Messing. She tweets a link. Now Sean Hayes is involved.

Quote from Hitchcock

Sergeant Jeffords: Could we put a mirroring app on her phone so we could watch everything she does?
Hitchcock: Oh, those work great, but you have to physically have her phone to install it.
Captain Holt: Nobody ask Hitchcock why he knows that.

Quote from Charles

Charles: I know how we can get Hawkins' phone. We get her to visit prison. They make you leave your phone in your car. I wanted to record Jake for the podcast, but they said I couldn't. I had to have Terry on as a guest.
Sergeant Jeffords: I gave up my Saturday for that. You said I did great.
Charles: I'm the host. I have to say that.

Quote from Captain Holt

Amy: Maybe you could just imagine doing that. It'd be probably just as fun as actually doing it, right?
Rosa: No.
Captain Holt: I'm with Diaz. Imagination is never the solution.

Quote from Captain Holt

Amy: Captain Holt, can you distract the lot attendant?
Captain Holt: I'm not Captain Holt. I'm Joe Wozniak, here to see my girl in prison. And, to help me pass as a straight Kevin's rose-shearing hat.

Quote from Captain Holt

Guard: Can I help you?
Captain Holt: I'm just trying to work up the nerve to see her.
Guard: See who?
Captain Holt: My female wife, Crystal. I was cheating on her with a waitress from Wing Sluts named Jamie-Lynn. One night, when I was philandering, Crystal caught me kissing Jamie-Lynn's heavy breasts. She flew into a rage, and now she's serving five years for aggravated assault.
Guard: Hey, I'm sorry to hear that.
Captain Holt: Yeah, thanks, man. Hey. Bring it in?

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: You should've seen Jamie-Lynn. She looked exactly like "Maxim" Hot 100 honoree Jasmine Sanders.

Quote from Captain Holt

Guard: It just seems like you wanna be with Jamie-Lynn. I mean, you keep talking about her thigh gap.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite part of a woman. There's nothing more intoxicating than the clear absence of a penis.

Quote from Charles

Amy: This is a dead end. Maybe I should call Seamus Murphy before it's too late.
Captain Holt: I thought we agreed that's a bad idea.
Amy: What other options do we have?
Charles: There is still the podcast.

Quote from Jake

Jake: You know what? I think my Blizz is wearing off. I should probably go lie down.
Romero: Yeah. The diarrhea's coming. That is very common. Don't let the volume scare you.
Jake: Wait. Volume as in noise or amount? Oh, God, it's both, isn't it?

Quote from Charles

Captain Holt: Everyone on the ground!
Amy: Put down your weapons!
Charles: You're being recorded for a podcast! You will sign a consent form.


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