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‘Suicide Squad’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Suicide Squad

618. Suicide Squad

Aired May 16, 2019

Desperate circumstances call for desperate measures, as Jake, Holt, Amy, Terry, Rosa and Charles must ally themselves with old enemies.

Quote from Charles

Charles: Oh, I love seeing these glimpses of domestic Peraltiago. Now kiss.
Jake: No.
Charles: You don't do it enough.
Jake: We do it all the time, just not in front of you.
Charles: It's been a year!

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Quote from Charles

Jake: Now, Kelly's stingrays can steal cell phone data from anyone, including us, so I procured special equipment for us to communicate with.
Amy: Extremely old beepers?
Jake: Yeah, they're analog, so the stingrays can't detect them.
Charles: I had one of these in high school, and it was so cool. I used to sit in math class, and you feel that buzz, and it's your dad saying he loves you. The rest of the day, you're just walking on air.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I don't like this. I wouldn't wish working with Madeline Wuntch on my worst enemy, and my worst enemy is Madeline Wuntch, whom I hate.

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: Look, if you wanna stop Kelly, she's the key to my entire plan. So, either you get over it, or we walk away from this thing right now.
Captain Holt: Ugh, fine. I will learn to trust Madeline Wuntch.
[cut to:]
Captain Holt: I will never trust Madeline Wuntch. She's a venomous snake waiting to strike, and you know what we do to snakes.
Rosa: Chop their heads off. Remove the skin. Turn them into boots.
Captain Holt: Don't be absurd. Who would want Trollskin boots?
Rosa: You just said she was a snake.
Captain Holt: The devil comes in many forms.

Quote from Charles

Jake: Actually, scratch that. We're not gonna use ski masks. We'll use cool rubber masks.
Charles: Ooh, we should be the ladies of "The First Wives Club." I call Keaton.
Jake: We're not gonna do "First Wives Club" masks.
Charles: Just because you can't be Keaton? Grow up, Jake!
Jake: No, because they don't exist. And also, yeah, Keaton is clearly the coolest one and I don't think it's really fair that you just "called her."

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: The point is, without any good leads, Kelly will give the order to use the stingray. An order that we will record thanks to our very own Madeline Wuntch.
Madeline Wuntch: Not possible. Kelly won't tell me anything. He won't even meet with me.
Captain Holt: Perhaps you can sneak in disguised as an old leather chair.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Fine, but on two conditions we stay at least 4 inches apart at all times, and you tuck your tail back into your pants so I don't trip on it.
Madeline Wuntch: Deal.

Quote from Captain Holt

Madeline Wuntch: Oh, Raymond, that you came to me to ask for help shows how much you've matured. You know what else shows how much you've matured? Your withered face.
Captain Holt: Now I know why you refer to this as a Suicide Squad, Peralta, because I already want to kill myself.
Madeline Wuntch: Why don't you wait a week? You'll probably die of old age.
Captain Holt: The only way I'm going to die is if you touch me with one of your bony fingers and drag me across the River Styx, you reaper.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: And what do you hope to get out of this, Madeline? Let me guess revenge on Dorothy for killing your sister?

Quote from Hitchcock

Jake: So we'll make a hostage video, but I don't think we should do it here. It's too nice. Do we know anyone with, like, a real creepy basement?
[cut to:]
Hitchcock: Yeah, it's just got one exposed light bulb and a couple of spent mattresses.
Jake: "Spent"? Oh, yeah. That sounds perfect.

Quote from Scully

Amy: Oh, wait. Before we decide Scully, what's your basement like?
Scully: Bunch of old Victorian wallpaper that came with the house. I tried to peel it off, but the wall underneath was covered with fingernail scratches.
Amy: Ooh.

Quote from Scully

Jake: Hitchcock, can you top it?
Hitchcock: Mine has mother's hospital bed.
Amy: Okay, Scully?
Scully: I got this one red door I've never been able to open and I hear screams behind it sometimes. But it's probably just the wind.
Jake: Okay, that's actually too scary.


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