TV Quotes

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I'm hydrated as hell, and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow. I've got my own party going on.

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm a detective. I will detect.

Charles: Hey, Sarge. I need someone to fill out a line up. Will you be scary Terry?
Sergeant Jeffords: Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking.
[cut to] Sergeant Jeffords: This is taking too long! I'm gonna miss the farmer's market!

Sergeant Jeffords: The hippo with heads on both ends, that's Hitchcock and Scully.
Amy: How do they defecate?
Sergeant Jeffords: It's a kid's book, Santiago!

Cory: It was like taking candy from a baby.
Sergeant Jeffords: Why are you giving candy to a baby in the first place? Don't give candy to a baby! They can't brush their teeth!

Sergeant Jeffords: I was raised on disco. Little Terry loved to hustle.

Sergeant Jeffords: Plus, the longer I stay out of my house today, the better. My brother-in-law, Zeke, is in town.
Captain Holt: Oh, I remember Zeke. Large gentleman. Calls you Tiny Terry.
Sergeant Jeffords: Also teensie Terry, Teeny Weeny Terry Berry, and Little Dumb Dumb. You know, it's that lack of effort on the last one that really gets me.

Captain Holt: Look, I know this is an inconvenience; however, I expect you all to be accommodating to our guests.
Sergeant Jeffords: Don't worry, sir, we will be cordial A.F. "As Frasier." Love that show.

Jake: You guys, this is gonna be fine. I mean Terry's our boss and he comes with us every year.
Sergeant Jeffords: Correction, you bring Vacation Terry, and he is no man's boss. When the slippers are filled, Terry is chilled.

Captain Holt: Still waiting, sergeant.
Sergeant Jeffords: It's just, the target looks exactly like a friend of mine. It's freaking me out.
Captain Holt: You have a friend, who's just a silhouette?
Sergeant Jeffords: Yes!

Sergeant Jeffords: Don't move as a group! You're not gazelles!

Sergeant Jeffords: You should take my minivan.
Rosa: A minivan? Ha ha.
Sergeant Jeffords: You all got a problem with my minivan? Because my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!

Sergeant Jeffords: Your head is so small. It is so small. Where do you keep your brains?

Sergeant Jeffords: What's my name?
Jake: Terry Jeffords.
Sergeant Jeffords: What is my name?
Jake: The Ebony Falcon.
Sergeant Jeffords: And what does The Ebony Falcon do?
Jake: Takes every precaution to ensure his own safety.
*Terry breathes heavily*
Takes bad guys to jail and bad girls to bed.
Sergeant Jeffords: Hell yeah he does. Except now the Ebony Falcon is monogamous and too tired for sex so his only indulgence is fresh-fruit yogurt parfaits.

Sergeant Jeffords: Jake! The doctors made me into a superhero. I'm so strong. Oh, and they made me black!