Scully Quotes Page 1 of 7

Quote from Lockdown

Amy: Oh, so your plan is to not take this seriously at all?
Jake: Oh, I am as serious as a heart attack. No offense, Scully.
Scully: Nah. Mine are never that serious. I call 'em "oopsies".

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Quote from Sabotage

Scully: You called us useless. You called us incompetent. You called us zeroes in the sack.
Charles: Never happened.
Scully: Well, someone said it to me last night. Oh, must have been my wife.

Quote from Sabotage

Hitchcock: All that investigating was exhausting. Besides, we did our share of that in the seventies and eighties. Now, we like to do paperwork in our comfy chairs.
Scully: If we're away from our desks for too long, they'll update our computers and we'll lose Minesweeper.

Quote from Sabotage

Charles: I gotta say. You guys are good cops.
Hitchcock: Yeah, no doy. How do you think we got to be the oldest guys here?
Charles: By never being promoted and losing all your money to divorces.
Scully: And bad investments.

Quote from Halloween

Amy: I passed a slutty tree on the way here. Who wants to have sex with a tree?
Scully: Was it a maple?
Jake: [sarcastically] Was it a maple?

Quote from Halloween IV

Amy: Attention, squad.
Gina: Mm, pretty dainty way to make an announcement.
Amy: It's a workplace. I wanted to be respectful.
Scully: Well, as someone at a high risk for a spook-related death, thank you.

Quote from The Venue

Captain Holt: What's going on here?
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm throwing Teri-with-an-I's party with my own money. I didn't know her favorite kind of ice cream, so I printed a photo of her and showed it to all the ice cream places within 30 blocks. Nobody recognized her, so I got every flavor, 200 pints.
Scully: This is the greatest day of my life.
Captain Holt: Have you considered this Teri-with-an-I might not be an ice cream person?
Sergeant Jeffords: I did think that. That's why there's a taco bar coming.
Scully: Yes!
Sergeant Jeffords: Plus barbecue.
Scully: Yes!
Sergeant Jeffords: Plus a popcorn guy.
Scully: [laughing] Yes!
Sergeant Jeffords: Plus vegan options.
Scully: Why?

Quote from Honeymoon

Scully: Hey, Gina. Did you see "Real Housewives" last night? If she says no, then ask about "Below Deck."
Gina: What are you doing?
Scully: She's getting suspicious, Scully. Act natural.
Gina: Are you wearing an earpiece?
Scully: Tell her no. Scully, stop saying what I'm saying. Be normal.

Quote from Valloweaster

Charles: Why did you want Cheddar to swallow the gems?
Rosa: Because I needed to delay things. The second part of my plan took place on Valentine's Day, which went perfectly.
Jake: Ah, I wouldn't say perfectly. Scully swallowed the gems.
Rosa: 'Cause I tricked him into it. Wasn't hard. Pretty much used the same Cheddar ham playbook.
[flashback:]
Scully: Table ham. Seven days in a row.
[present:]
Scully: So now I have to think twice before I eat food I find lying around. Thanks a lot.

Quote from M.E. Time

Scully: Well, how do you know he's even in a bad mood? It's impossible to read that guy.
-cut to-
Captain Holt: This is the most incompetent, worthless report I have ever read in my life. Get your act together, or so help me God, you won't live to see retirement.
-cut to-
Scully: It's like, what's the guy thinking? You know?

Quote from Beach House

Hitchcock: Holt's the big fish we've been waiting for. We have an exciting investment opportunity to pitch him.
Jake: What?
Scully: It's an off-shore casino that's currently sunk off the coast of Delaware.

Quote from Greg and Larry

Jake: H is for Holt. He's leading us right to him. Now all we have to do is follow the trail of chocolate.
Scully: This, this is why I became a cop.

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