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15Quotes from ‘Sabotage’

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Sabotage

219. Sabotage

Aired March 15, 2015

After Jake suffers a streak of bad luck, he gets suspended from the NYPD. Jake thinks he's being sabotaged by a criminal he put away, so the Captain assigns Amy and Rosa to investigate the truth. Meanwhile, Holt upsets Gina when he refuses to lie with Terry about attending her dance concert, while Boyle is stuck working with Scully and Hitchcock.

Quote from Scully

Scully: You called us useless. You called us incompetent. You called us zeroes in the sack.
Charles: Never happened.
Scully: Well, someone said it to me last night. Oh, must have been my wife.

Quote from Scully

Hitchcock: All that investigating was exhausting. Besides, we did our share of that in the seventies and eighties. Now, we like to do paperwork in our comfy chairs.
Scully: If we're away from our desks for too long, they'll update our computers and we'll lose Minesweeper.

Quote from Scully

Charles: I gotta say. You guys are good cops.
Hitchcock: Yeah, no doy. How do you think we got to be the oldest guys here?
Charles: By never being promoted and losing all your money to divorces.
Scully: And bad investments.

Quote from Charles

Charles: You're useless. You are completely useless. You are, without a doubt, the most incompetent detectives I've ever seen. And I am including that bomb sniffing dog that humps all the bombs.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Rules are made to be broken.
Amy: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Jake: Uh, piñatas.
Rosa: Glow sticks.
Jake: Karate boards.
Rosa: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Jake: Rules.

Quote from Jake

Jake: All right, fine. If you guys won't help me, I guess I'll just get myself off.
Context. Context was important on that one.

Quote from Jake

Rosa: Or you didn't pay your bills and you only put a quarter-gallon of gas in your tank because you wanted to spend the rest on mini-mart beef jerky.
Jake: Wrong. I buy my beef jerky online from the world's top jerkmaster. So it looks like you need to update your jerk rolodex, which is not as dirty as it sounds.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, Gina's dance concert was last night.
Captain Holt: Right. The Dancy Reagan performance.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I only lie when someone's safety is at risk. Or if a juvenile aged eight years or younger asks about Santa Claus.
Sergeant Jeffords: In which case?
Captain Holt: I feed them some reassuring pap about the logical impossibility of proving a negative. It's sentimental drivel, but they eat it up.

Quote from Scully

Charles: Anyway, sorry for calling you useless. I'm gonna make sure everyone knows you did good.
Scully: Boyle, please don't.
Hitchcock: The last thing we need is to suddenly be on everyone's A-list. The ones to watch. The golden boys.
Scully: A pair of red hot dicks.
Charles: No one calls detectives that any more.
Scully: People called detectives that?

Quote from Amy

Jake: My power went out last night and my alarm didn't go off.
Amy: Your alarm is power dependent? You brought this on yourself, son.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Captain, this is insane. I don't do drugs. Sure, a couple of my teeth are loose, but that's from dental neglect not meth.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Okay. This is everyone I could think of who'd want to mess with my life. Perps, people I've testified against, the old guy who lived underneath me when I was learning the Gangnam style dance.

Quote from Charles

Charles: Look how cool and illegible his handwriting is. Oh, I wish I could be that free. But you know me, ever the calligrapher.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I can't believe I'm about to say this. I really wish you could come look at urine with us, but you can't. You're suspended. Go home.


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