Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Amy Quote #129
Jake: Okay, well, I don't want to get mad right now, 'cause Amy's worried about you, so-
Amy: No, screw that noise. How dare you call Jake selfish? He just wasted his entire honeymoon trying to take care of you while you wallowed in your misery like a little baby.
Captain Holt: That seems a little harsh.
Amy: Oh, does it? I don't give a hoot.
Jake: Oh, damn.
Amy: For the last five years, all I've done is give a hoot about you and what you think. I gave a hoot about you as a boss. I gave a hoot about you as a mentor. I gave a hoot about you as a friend.
Jake: She gave so many hoots.
Amy: Not anymore. After the way you've acted and what you just said to Jake, I don't give a hoot, what you think, and I really don't give a hoot if you decide to quit the NYPD, so do it. I'm all out of hoots. I'm hootless.
Quote from Jake
Amy: He's leaving. Our plan worked.
Jake: We saved our own honeymoon, and fun bonus, we cheered up Holt.
Amy: Yes. Okay, it's time to celebrate. You know what that means. This B needs a C in her A.
Jake: Oh, my God.
Amy: This babe needs a coconut in her arms.
Jake: Oh, I thought you were saying this [bleep] needs a [bleep] in her [bleep].
Amy: Oh, my God.
Jake: Yeah, that was my reaction.
Quote from Captain Holt
Captain Holt: I tried to suck it up and go back to work. I put on my uniform and got in my car. And next thing I knew, I was on a plane to Mexico. I didn't even pack a bag. I bought a bundle of novelty shirts at a nearby gift shop.
This one says, "What's up, beaches?" Instead of "bitches" for humor reasons.
Amy: But you hate humor.
Captain Holt: Well, I'm a joke now, so it suits me.
Quote from Amy
Captain Holt: What the hell is going on?
Jake: I can't let you quit.
Captain Holt: Yes, but why the candles and rose petals?
Amy: Is that Mr. McClane I hear? 'Cause someone's about to Die Har- Oh, my God.
Why is Captain Holt here?
Jake: Because he's gonna- Wait, are you dressed like Bonnie Bedelia in "Die Hard?"
Amy: I am.
Jake: For sexy reasons?
Jake: Oh, boy.
Quote from Boyle's Hunch
Amy: This one says Die Pig. And worst of all, they didn't put the comma between die and pig.
Quote from 99
Jake: You might wanna stand back for this, sir. It can get pretty intense.
Amy: [YELLING] All right, you mooks, our union health plan has 100% reimbursement for out-of-state ambulance rides. Scully will fake a medical emergency.
Scully: Don't need to fake it. Always having at least one.
Amy: Great. You call an ambulance, and have it take us here to Monroe, Louisiana. The ambulance can drive 25 miles over the posted speed limit, so we'll get there by 9:00 p.m. There's a small airport there, mostly servicing crop dusters. Of course, they can't take passengers, but thanks to a loophole in H.R. 377551, police officers are allowed to commandeer any plane in the interest of national security. The crop duster will land at an airstrip outside of Finksburg, Maryland. We'll take a cab to Baltimore, jump on the 6:48 a.m. train to New York, arriving at 9:26. Kevin will meet us at Penn Station with a fresh Captain's uniform. From there, it's a 29-minute cab ride to One Police Plaza. You change on the way, and we should get to your meeting with five minutes to spare. Stop clapping, you idiots! We gotta move, move, move!
Quote from The Cruise
Doug Judy: Thank God you were there, Peralta. I knew you wouldn't let your best friend die.
Jake: I'm still gonna arrest you. I just can't do that if you're dead.
Doug Judy: Whatever you gotta tell yourself. Baby steps. It's hard getting him out of his shell.
Amy: Tell me about it. Every time we get emotional, he's like, "Noice, smort."