Jake Quote #398
Doug Judy: We'll be safe here. I know the owner. He'd never turn me in.
Jake: Yeah, I have the exact same relationship with the guy who runs the laser tag place I love. I mean, gun range.
Doug Judy: Peralta, who you out here stuntin' for, huh? I love laser-T. We gotta go sometime, man.
Jake: I was hoping you'd say that. I wasn't stunting.
Doug Judy: A little bit.
Jake: A little stunting.
Doug Judy: You stunted.
Jake: A little bit.
Quote from Jake
Captain Holt: You're looking at a suspension, maybe worse. Unless you can track down Doug Judy and recover those diamonds.
Jake: Can they wait 12 months? I usually run into him about once a year.
Quote from Hitchcock
Captain Holt: Hitchcock, there's a woman here interviewing detectives a part of the Commissioner selection process.
Hitchcock: All right, I'll go hide in the janitor's closet until this is all over. Thanks for the heads up.
Captain Holt: No, it's too late for that. She wants to talk to you.
Hitchcock: What? No! How could you let this happen? I'm nuts!
Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, calm down, man. We just took her on a tour of the precinct and now she's at lunch. That means we have one hour to teach you how to behave like a human.
Hitchcock: Oh, I see. You're gonna "My Bare Lady" me.
Captain Holt: "My Bare Lady"?
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm assuming it's a "My Fair Lady" porn parody.
Captain Holt: Oh, my. We've got our work cutout for us.
Quote from Operation Broken Feather
Jake: I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago. Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
Amy: I'm surprised you've read Othello.
Jake: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.
Quote from The Vulture
Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.
Quote from The Party
Amy: I can't wait to see the inside of Raymond's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Charles: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Jake: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.