Hitchcock Quote #37
Captain Holt: Hitchcock, there's a woman here interviewing detectives a part of the Commissioner selection process.
Hitchcock: All right, I'll go hide in the janitor's closet until this is all over. Thanks for the heads up.
Captain Holt: No, it's too late for that. She wants to talk to you.
Hitchcock: What? No! How could you let this happen? I'm nuts!
Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, calm down, man. We just took her on a tour of the precinct and now she's at lunch. That means we have one hour to teach you how to behave like a human.
Hitchcock: Oh, I see. You're gonna "My Bare Lady" me.
Captain Holt: "My Bare Lady"?
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm assuming it's a "My Fair Lady" porn parody.
Captain Holt: Oh, my. We've got our work cutout for us.
Quote from Jake
Captain Holt: You're looking at a suspension, maybe worse. Unless you can track down Doug Judy and recover those diamonds.
Jake: Can they wait 12 months? I usually run into him about once a year.
Quote from Captain Holt
Sergeant Jeffords: Oop, they're looking at us. Act natural.
Captain Holt: Spreadsheet, spreadsheet.
Sergeant Jeffords: Crime, crime.
Captain Holt: Precinct, precinct.
Quote from Jake
Sergeant Jeffords: Peralta, there was a botched B & E at a jewelry store on Atlantic that just turned into a hostage situation. They want you to be the negotiator.
Jake: Oh, my God, my prayers have finally been answered.
Rosa: You prayed for a hostage situation?
Jake: Yes, I did. Every single day.
Quote from Thanksgiving
Amy: Hitchcock, why do you have your shirt off?
Hitchcock: Can't spill food on your shirt if you're not wearing one.
Quote from Pontiac Bandit
Sergeant Jeffords: Hitchcock called himself Scully by accident.
Hitchcock: I did, but it brought me and Scully closer together.
Quote from The Big House Pt. 2
Amy: Hey, I think I found something interesting. I was double-checking last month's surveillance photos, and I noticed this. Hawkins has two different phones: her normal cell, and then this one that only has one app on the home screen Snapchat.
Hitchcock: Oh, she's up to something. Snapchat messages disappear. You can send anything to anybody, and after they see it, it's like I never sent it.
Captain Holt: Nobody ask Hitchcock why he knows that.