TV Quotes

Jake: So you still annoyed?
Amy: Yes. You can't keep saying "mischief managed" after we finish sex.
Jake: It's what Harry Potter says when he needs to clear the Marauder's Map.
Amy: Obviously, I know that, but I would prefer to keep wizard terms out of our sex life.

Sergeant Jeffords: Before we wrap up this briefing, I wanted to give a few shout-outs. Diaz, great job on that B&E. You are a good cop with a great attitude.
Rosa: I don't like this.
Sergeant Jeffords: Santiago, when I think of your CompStat reports, one word comes to mind: wow. And that "WOW" is an acronym for "Wow, oh, wow. "
Amy: What is happening?
Captain Holt: He's buttering us up before giving us some devastatingly bad news. My God, Jake and Charles are dead.

Charles: "Extra ranch, no tomato, no cilantro." These are just a list of modifications on a signature salad from Panera.
Jake: Okay, this one says, "Buy toilet paper" in a truly gigantic font. I hate to think of the horrific event that led to a reminder of this size.

Amy: Sir, it's a seminar that's too boring for me. I'm saying no to a seminar.

Brad Portenburg: Hello, squad. My name is Brad Portenburg, and today I'm gonna teach you about workplace conflict. So I brought along someone who's an expert in conflict: my ex-wife. Just kidding. She lives in Vermont with our kids. So can anyone tell me what a stereotype is?
Scully: The Irish are potato-eating drunks.
Hitchcock: And the gays-
Brad Portenburg: No, no, no, what does the word "stereotype" mean?

Captain Holt: Brad, my funny friend, we don't need this training. We don't have any workplace conflicts.
Brad Portenburg: Oh, there's always conflict somewhere. Now, it could be something small, like a pet peeve, or-
Scully: Hitchcock slept with my wife, Kelly, in 1988!
Sergeant Jeffords: So Kelly was his wife, not his dog.

Hitchcock: I dogsat for Scully, and he never thanked me. Kelly was a real handful.
Sergeant Jeffords: Wait, I'm confused again. Kelly was a dog?
Scully: There were two Kellys. You'd know that if you'd ever listened to my podcast.

Sergeant Jeffords: Jake and Charles are not dead. It's worse than that. We have to do our annual HR seminar on workplace conflict tomorrow.
Amy: What? Already?
Sergeant Jeffords: I know. I know. These seminars are not exactly our favorite things.
Rosa: Question: if I get shot in the line of duty, can I miss it?
Sergeant Jeffords: Legally, you still have to make it up.
Rosa: Well, there goes that plan.