TV Quotes

Jake: Captain, hey! Welcome to the murder.

Captain Holt: Tell me about Peralta.
Sergeant Jeffords: Jacob Peralta is my best detective. He likes putting away bad guys and he loves solving puzzles. The only puzzle he hasn't solved is how to grow up.
Captain Holt: That was very well put.
Sergeant Jeffords: I've talked a lot about Jake in my departmentally-mandated therapy session.

Jake: You did it, Fuzzy. You busted 'em. It's time to come home. "I'm not sure if I can. I've been undercover so long, I've forgotten who I am. I've seen terrible things. And I haven't known the touch of a woman in many moons."

Captain Holt: Everyone, I'm your new Commanding Officer, Captain Ray Holt.
Amy: Speech!
Captain Holt: That was my speech.
Amy: Short & sweet.

Gina: He's so suave. Does anyone else get a little bit of a gay vibe? No? Okay.

Captain Holt: Sergeant, you were in the 1-8 with me. Though you were significantly-
Sergeant Jeffords: Fatter, sir. They called me Terry Titties. Because I had large-
Captain Holt: Titties. Yes, I remember. I never liked that nickname. Though, to be fair, it was accurate.

Gina: She's got a type, which is really any one but you.
Charles: Yeah, that was my ex-wife's type, too.

Rosa: Tell me who has me for Secret Santa.
Hitchcock: No, that takes all the fun out of it.
*Rosa stares*
It's Scully. He got you a scarf. I'll make him return it.
Rosa: Yes, you will.

Gina: I will tell you on six conditions. Number one, you let me use your office to practice my dance moves. Second-
Captain Holt: How about this? If you tell me, I won't have you suspended without pay.
Gina: Oh, that sounds great.

Jake: Sorry, dude, but this new guy's just gonna be another washed up pencil pusher who's only concerned with following every rule in the patrol guide. Meep. Morp. Zeep. Robot Captain engage.

Captain Holt: First of all, I think you're kind of overdoing it with the manscaping. But more importantly, detective, why do you refuse to take my orders seriously?

Amy: I'd also like to apologize for my partner. His parents didn't give him enough attention.

Sergeant Jeffords: Charles Boyle. He's a grinder. Not the most brilliant detective, but he works harder than anyone else. He's not physically gifted.

Jake: That's how we do it in the Nine-Nine, sir. Catch bad guys and look good doing it.

Captain Holt: What's wrong with you?
Jake: Never took off the speedo. Big mistake. It is inside me!

Jake: Hello, sir! How are you today? I am Detective Right-all-the-Time, and this is my partner Detective Terrible Detective.

Captain Holt: Does he always talk this much?
Amy: I just tune it out. It's like a white noise machine.
Jake: Okay, first of all, that's racist.

Sergeant Jeffords: Now the good ones. Rosa Diaz. Tough, smart, hard to read, and really scary.

Charles: Yeah, he's a little too serious. What do you think, Rosa?
Rosa: Hmm, seems cool.
Charles: Yeah, seems cool, I agree.