TV Quotes

Jake: Captain, hey! Welcome to the murder.

Captain Holt: Tell me about Peralta.
Sergeant Jeffords: Jacob Peralta is my best detective. He likes putting away bad guys and he loves solving puzzles. The only puzzle he hasn't solved is how to grow up.
Captain Holt: That was very well put.
Sergeant Jeffords: I've talked a lot about Jake in my departmentally-mandated therapy session.

Jake: You did it, Fuzzy. You busted 'em. It's time to come home. "I'm not sure if I can. I've been undercover so long, I've forgotten who I am. I've seen terrible things. And I haven't known the touch of a woman in many moons."

Captain Holt: Everyone, I'm your new Commanding Officer, Captain Ray Holt.
Amy: Speech!
Captain Holt: That was my speech.
Amy: Short & sweet.

Gina: He's so suave. Does anyone else get a little bit of a gay vibe? No? Okay.

Captain Holt: Sergeant, you were in the 1-8 with me. Though you were significantly-
Sergeant Jeffords: Fatter, sir. They called me Terry Titties. Because I had large-
Captain Holt: Titties. Yes, I remember. I never liked that nickname. Though, to be fair, it was accurate.

Rosa: Tell me who has me for Secret Santa.
Hitchcock: No, that takes all the fun out of it.
*Rosa stares*
It's Scully. He got you a scarf. I'll make him return it.
Rosa: Yes, you will.

Gina: She's got a type, which is really any one but you.
Charles: Yeah, that was my ex-wife's type, too.

Gina: I will tell you on six conditions. Number one, you let me use your office to practice my dance moves. Second-
Captain Holt: How about this? If you tell me, I won't have you suspended without pay.
Gina: Oh, that sounds great.

Jake: Sorry, dude, but this new guy's just gonna be another washed up pencil pusher who's only concerned with following every rule in the patrol guide. Meep. Morp. Zeep. Robot Captain engage.

Amy: I'd also like to apologize for my partner. His parents didn't give him enough attention.

Sergeant Jeffords: Charles Boyle. He's a grinder. Not the most brilliant detective, but he works harder than anyone else. He's not physically gifted.

Captain Holt: First of all, I think you're kind of overdoing it with the manscaping. But more importantly, detective, why do you refuse to take my orders seriously?

Jake: That's how we do it in the Nine-Nine, sir. Catch bad guys and look good doing it.

Captain Holt: What's wrong with you?
Jake: Never took off the speedo. Big mistake. It is inside me!

Jake: Hello, sir! How are you today? I am Detective Right-all-the-Time, and this is my partner Detective Terrible Detective.

Captain Holt: Does he always talk this much?
Amy: I just tune it out. It's like a white noise machine.
Jake: Okay, first of all, that's racist.

Sergeant Jeffords: Now the good ones. Rosa Diaz. Tough, smart, hard to read, and really scary.

Charles: Yeah, he's a little too serious. What do you think, Rosa?
Rosa: Hmm, seems cool.
Charles: Yeah, seems cool, I agree.