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21Quotes from ‘Payback’

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Payback

213. Payback

Aired January 11, 2015

When Terry refuses to lend Jake any more money, the squad decides it's high time Jake paid them all back. Meanwhile, Amy the Captain work together on the Brooklyn Broiler case.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: He was a great partner. Smart, loyal. Homophobic but not racist. In those days that was pretty good.

Quote from Captain Holt

Amy: Maybe we should talk about deets for the case. Plan our next move. Grab some chow.
Captain Holt: No need. I brought these. Nutrition bricks. I have original no flavor, and whole wheat no flavor.

Quote from Captain Holt

Amy: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain Holt: Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.
Amy: Smart. Something bland.
Captain Holt: That's my favorite breakfast.

Quote from Jake

Jake: How much could I possibly owe you? Fifty, sixty bucks?
Sergeant Jeffords: Two thousand, four hundred and thirty seven dollars.
Jake: Dollars?! Wait, of course dollars. Why was that the part I was surprised by?

Quote from Gina

Gina: Is she crying?
Jake: A little.
Gina: You should be wailing you stone-cold bitch. Now call my other grandma.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Huh. Meat from the street. Sounds like a fun treat. Hah. I'm a poet and ... I didn't even know I was rhyming those words. But it happened anyway.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Look, sarge, I burnt two hundred calories.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's your heart rate.
Jake: Yeah, that checks out.

Quote from Jake

Jake: There you are, sergeant. Instalment one of TBD. $1200 bucks, it's all I have. You should note it's all singles, because it takes so many notes to fill up a briefcase.

Quote from Captain Holt

Amy: Sir, did you just laugh?
Captain Holt: Uproariously.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Here's what you do. Invite him over. Order some fancy take out. Throw it in a pot and act like you cooked it. I got the idea from Yahoo! Answers.

Quote from Gina

Gina: I have either two or four words for you: Drag queen dim sum.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Fact the fourth, I found this on your desk. It's a list of names. Nathaniel Jeffords. Alexa Jeffords.
Sergeant Jeffords: Those are my cousins' names.
Jake: Lies. There is but one conclusion. You, Terry Jeffords, are pregnant. The names are baby names. The dentist an obstetrician. And the money is for baby things, like diapers!

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Is this sauce for your chicken or my lamb?
Amy: I don't know. Shall we try it?
Captain Holt: Let's risk it.
Amy: It's amazing.
Captain Holt: I don't care for it. But I tried, and what a story for Kevin.

Quote from Jake

Charles: Fingerholes was our idea.
Jake: I do not think it should be called fingerholes.

Quote from Scully

Jake: If anything goes wrong, Scully fake a heart attack.
Scully: What are you thinking? Classic angina or something sexier like myocardial-infarction?
Jake: Just drop down onto the ground and wiggle.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Aw man, this is almost too easy.
Sergeant Jeffords: Are you crying?
Jake: No, that's eyeball sweat.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Scully, now! Oh no, he's having a heart attack. This is a man's life, you callous bastards!

Quote from Amy

Amy: I could drive.
Captain Holt: No, you don't know where we're going. But if you'd like a cup of coffee, there's an old bakery in that neighborhood. The coffee there is terrible, but I would enjoy the nostalgia.
Amy: I love terrible coffee. Now let's put away Richard Wilcox, that no good punk.
Captain Holt: He's 86-years-old.
Amy: You don't out grow punk, sir.

Quote from Rosa

Jake: I only stumbled across it because I'm such an amazing detective.
Rosa: Who accidentally hit reply all like some idiot on an brunch thread.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: No more loans. You already owe me way too much. The Bank of Terry is closed.
Jake: What, are you sailing away on a tugboat?
Charles: Man, I love tugboats.
Sergeant Jeffords: It's not a tugboat. I am locking the vault!

Quote from Rosa

Jake: How about this? I'll work off my debt to each of you. I'll do anything you want. How does that sound?
Scully: Anything?
Jake: Am I the only one that was super creeped out by that?
Charles: No, that was definitely creepy.
Rosa: Yeah, he wants you to do something real weird.


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