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‘Jake and Sophia’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Jake and Sophia

206. Jake and Sophia

Aired November 9, 2014

Jake hits it off with a woman at a bar, only to discover she is the defense attorney working the case of a perp he's trying to put in jail. Meanwhile, Charles and Gina try to put their relationship behind them.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Hey, you should run. Going to meetings, writing stuff down. You love that nerd stuff.
Amy: Writing stuff down is nerdy? What do you do?
Rosa: I just forget stuff like a cool person.

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Quote from Charles

Jake: All right, I'm gonna win this case and then we can put my horrible sexual experience behind us forever.
Charles: I don't know Jake. I'm afraid I'm gonna think about it every time I look at your crotch.
Jake: Then stop looking at my crotch!

Quote from Amy

Amy: Look, I love campaigning and making signs. Lord knows I have enough poster board at home.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Have you ever thought about going with your non-work interests? On my first date with my wife, all we did was talk about our mutual love of Meat Loaf. The singer, not the food.
Jake: Oh, so the weirder of the two choices.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Amy Santiago is officially late for the first time ever. All right, let's do this. Who's got theories?
Sergeant Jeffords: Uh, alarm didn't go off.
Jake: All three alarms? All with battery back-up? Come on, who wants to take this seriously?

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: I bet she tucked herself into bed too tight and got stuck.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: It's 9:00 A.M. Why is no one working?
Jake: Amy Santiago is a few minutes late, and we're all trying to guess why.
Captain Holt: I'd like to play. I'd say she's in line at the bank. This is fun.

Quote from Jake

Jake: It is fun, but you're all wrong. She clearly slipped through a subway grate and is having terrible sex with a mole man.

Quote from Jake

Jake: All right, fine. I get what you're saying. Your wife's awesome and I should do everything in my power to be with her physically.

Quote from Jake

Jake: I found our Meat Loaf. Wings.
Sergeant Jeffords: The band or the show?
Jake: The food!

Quote from Jake

Sophia: Well, I didn't wanna intimidate you.
Jake: Intimidate? Wow. Okay, well, not to burst your bubble, but I'm only intimidated by professions that have a moral compass, like police officer.
Sophia: So you're intimidated by your own job?
Jake: Oh, look at me. I'm a lawyer. I'm so good at word-using-itude.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Now you've done it. You've made me turn my chair. I will not get involved, and I will not have this office transformed into a house of snipes and jabs. Dismissed.

Quote from Jake

Jake: But in all seriousness, your honor, I do think she should recuse herself from the trial.
Sophia: Why? You think I might tell everybody in the courtroom that you like to be the little spoon?
Jake: Everyone likes to be the little spoon. It makes you feel safe!

Quote from Gina

Gina: Attention, skeezy nobodies! Tina Knowles, Beyonce's mom-ager, has contacted me and wants to audition me tonight. I've transcended you now.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: You want me to flex and make all the buttons pop off of my shirt?
Jake: Yes! You can do that?
Sergeant Jeffords: The challenge is keeping the buttons on.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Full disclosure, your honor. Last night, Ms. Perez and I got inebriated and we had colitis.
Judge: Colitis?
Sophia: Coitus.
Jake: Yeah, that.


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