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‘Into the Woods’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Into the Woods

306. Into the Woods

Aired November 8, 2015

Jake and Charles convince Terry to take a weekend camping trip as a much needed "babymoon," but they soon realize it might not be the idealistic weekend for which they had hoped. Meanwhile back at the precinct, Holt gives Rosa some important relationship advice and Amy enlists Gina's help to prepare her for an important presentation.

Quote from Charles

Charles: Is the equipment secure?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Weapon loaded?
Jake: Check.
Charles: Did you have breakfast?
Jake: What? That's not on the checklist.
Charles: I added it because I care about you.
Jake: No, I did not have breakfast.
Charles: Unacceptable. Look in your pocket.
Jake: Hey, there's little chocolate chips in this.
Charles: Yeah, I'm not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber.


Quote from Captain Holt

Rosa: Things aren't working out.
I don't want to talk about it.
Captain Holt: I regret the words we've already spoken.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Look, man, I've got two kids, a job, and a very pregnant wife. I get one hour a week to myself on Sundays.
You know what I do with that time? I run a hot bubble bath, wheel in a TV, and watch sports bloopers.
Charles: Sports bloopers?
Sergeant Jeffords: They're hilarious and relaxing, and they humanize my heroes.

Quote from Captain Holt

Marcus: Uncle Ray, thank you for loaning me you best detective for lunch.
Captain Holt: My pleasure. Of course, she is entitled to 45 minutes as per her union contract.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Those woods are full of ticks. It's Lyme disease central.
Jake: So we'll get some bug spray.
Sergeant Jeffords: Plus that cabin's probably covered in black mold.
Jake: Racist.

Quote from Gina

Gina: What's up? How can I help?
Amy: Well, when I was a kid, I invented a magnetic flashlight clip so I could read under the covers. This clip and I went all around the world together the Shire, Sweet Valley High, Terabithia.
Gina: But never to a friend's house, huh?
Amy: Uncalled for.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Yes, it is daunting. But I did some research on amicable breakups.
I visited
Do you know that site?
Rosa: No.

Quote from Gina

Gina: Without product makers like you, us dazzle-doves wouldn't have nothing to shake our wings over.

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