Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Honeymoon’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Honeymoon

601. Honeymoon

Aired January 10, 2019

Jake and Amy go on their honeymoon. Capt. Holt finds out whether he is the new commissioner of the NYPD.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I tried to suck it up and go back to work. I put on my uniform and got in my car. And next thing I knew, I was on a plane to Mexico. I didn't even pack a bag. I bought a bundle of novelty shirts at a nearby gift shop.
This one says, "What's up, beaches?" Instead of "bitches" for humor reasons.
Amy: But you hate humor.
Captain Holt: Well, I'm a joke now, so it suits me.

Rate

Quote from Captain Holt

Amy: This place is so romantic.
Jake: Yeah, and so intimate.
Captain Holt: Don't worry. I'm not listening to you. I'm just thinking about how this sea bass is cold but not as cold and cruel as the hands of fate that have thrust my entire life into darkness.
Jake: Ah, damn it. I just ordered the sea bass.

Quote from Amy

Captain Holt: What the hell is going on?
Jake: I can't let you quit.
Captain Holt: Yes, but why the candles and rose petals?
Jake: Wuh-oh.
Amy: Is that Mr. McClane I hear? 'Cause someone's about to Die Har- Oh, my God.
Why is Captain Holt here?
Jake: Because he's gonna- Wait, are you dressed like Bonnie Bedelia in "Die Hard?"
Amy: I am.
Jake: For sexy reasons?
Amy: Yes.
Jake: Oh, boy.

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: Yeah, and your new shirt is very aggressive and confusing. Is the pineapple the slut, or is it calling someone else a slut?
Captain Holt: Clearly the pineapple is the slut.
Jake: Huh.

Quote from Jake

Amy: He's leaving. Our plan worked.
Jake: We saved our own honeymoon, and fun bonus, we cheered up Holt.
Amy: Yes. Okay, it's time to celebrate. You know what that means. This B needs a C in her A.
Jake: Oh, my God.
Amy: This babe needs a coconut in her arms.
Jake: Oh, I thought you were saying this [bleep] needs a [bleep] in her [bleep].
Amy: Oh, my God.
Jake: Yeah, that was my reaction.

Quote from Jake

Amy: What? You're quitting?
Captain Holt: Yes, I am.
Amy: No, you're not. We're keeping you right here.
Captain Holt: How are you going to do that? Physically restrain me?
Amy: Great idea. Is there anything in Charles's box of nightmares that could be used to tie up Holt?
Jake: Yes. Literally everything in here could be used to tie up a person.

Quote from Hitchcock

Captain Holt: No, I mean, quitting permanently, I'm putting in my resignation as soon as I get back home. I better hurry if I want to be at the airport six hours ahead of my flight.

Quote from Scully

Scully: Hey, Gina. Did you see "Real Housewives" last night? If she says no, then ask about "Below Deck."
Gina: What are you doing?
Scully: She's getting suspicious, Scully. Act natural.
Gina: Are you wearing an earpiece?
Scully: Tell her no. Scully, stop saying what I'm saying. Be normal.

Quote from Charles

Charles: Well, you know who didn't think it was a good run? My daddy, Lynn Boyle. He's inconsolable.
Gina: Well, I'm sure he'll get over it.
Charles: No, Boyles don't "get over it." It becomes part of us. It lives within us. It eats us out.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Guess who just got paid, y'all. That's right. We got stacks on stacks on stacks.
Charles: Whoa. Where's all that cash from?
Jake: Well, my brilliant wife found a crazy loophole called "wedding insurance."
Amy: It's very common. It's like renter's insurance.
Jake: Oh, my God. Do we have that too?
Amy: Yes.
Jake: You are a wizard.

Quote from Jake

Jake: The point is, we are getting refunded in full, so we are going on a super-deluxe, five-star mega-baller honeymoon.
Rosa: So you're not just going to the Berkshires anymore?
Jake: Screw that crap hole. It's a dump, and anyone who goes there is garbage.
Sergeant Jeffords: I was gonna take Sharon there for a romantic weekend.
Jake: Oh, well, congratulations, ya poor. I am so sorry. Money really changes you.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I've just received the email about whether I've gotten the job as commissioner. Well, from the look on my face, I'm sure you can guess what it says.
Jake: No. We have no idea at all. Just tell us, you monster.
Captain Holt: Really? No one noticed the slight tension in my labial commissure? My lips. I'm smiling.

Quote from Charles

Charles: We have to get them back together.
Gina: Pass.
Charles: Well, I'm doing it with or without your help.
Gina: Okay, without.
Charles: Okay, you called my bluff. It has to be with your help. And I'm not taking no for an answer.
Gina: No.
Charles: Okay, you did it again. Why are you like this?
Gina: I don't know.

Quote from Jake

Amy: Ahh, babe, this is so nice. There are hot stones on our butts for no reason.
Jake: Not on mine. My butt stones keep falling off, because I'm so tense about Holt being here and ruining everything.

Quote from Charles

Charles: I can't figure out what went wrong between our parents. They were so in love.
Gina: Oh, okay, so we're having a conversation?
Charles: No, to get them back together, we need to know what happened. Did your mom tell you?
Gina: Nope.
Charles: Damn it. Okay, let's brainstorm. It could be that my dad is too clingy or too masculine.
Gina: You know what? I'm going to play a game on my phone while you go on this little journey.
Charles: He overshares, he's indecisive, he's always crying.
Gina: Oh, I made it inside the temple.
Charles: He wears a kimono a lot.
Gina: I became a hawk. I have talons.
Charles: Well, he can't keep a secret. He has a clinically loose pelvis.
Gina: Okay, that did break through. I heard "loose pelvis."

Page 2 

 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode