Hitchcock Quotes Page 1 of 4
Quote from Thanksgiving
Amy: Hitchcock, why do you have your shirt off?
Hitchcock: Can't spill food on your shirt if you're not wearing one.
Quote from Pontiac Bandit
Sergeant Jeffords: Hitchcock called himself Scully by accident.
Hitchcock: I did, but it brought me and Scully closer together.
Quote from Ticking Clocks
Hitchcock: We cooked that lasagna for nothing. Nothing!
Jake: Okay. But have you ever considered eating lasagna with no garlic bread?
Hitchcock: We've- Never done that before.
Scully: I guess maybe we could give it a try. What do you think, Hitchcock?
Hitchcock: What the hell. I had a feeling something crazy was gonna happen today.
Jake: There you go.
Scully: It's almost ready.
Jake: [microwave dings] Mama Magglione.
Quote from The Big House Pt. 2
Amy: Hey, I think I found something interesting. I was double-checking last month's surveillance photos, and I noticed this. Hawkins has two different phones: her normal cell, and then this one that only has one app on the home screen Snapchat.
Hitchcock: Oh, she's up to something. Snapchat messages disappear. You can send anything to anybody, and after they see it, it's like I never sent it.
Captain Holt: Nobody ask Hitchcock why he knows that.
Quote from Honeymoon
Captain Holt: No, I mean, quitting permanently, I'm putting in my resignation as soon as I get back home. I better hurry if I want to be at the airport six hours ahead of my flight.
Quote from Hitchcock & Scully
Charles: All right, calm down. We're not accusing you of anything, right, Jake?
Jake: Kinda was.
Hitchcock: This is crazy! We're innocent!
Scully: IA is railroading us like Holt said, and you're joining in the witch hunt!
Hitchcock: You're fake news! Sad!
Jake: Yeah, that's definitely the language of the innocent.
Quote from Hitchcock & Scully
Jake: Wait a minute. Why do you pay for a monthly parking spot?
Charles: Because it's New York. It's hard to park.
Jake: Yeah, but he just said he doesn't have a car. So what's parked in this spot you don't want us to know about? Could it be a super-expensive sports car, paid for in cash?
[cut to a parking garage:]
Jake: Nope. It's just a sketchy old sex van.
Hitchcock: There is nothing sketchy about the Beaver Trap.
Jake: Yes, there is.
Quote from The Bet
Hitchcock: What bet? What are you guys talking about?
Sergeant Jeffords: Seriously? The bet? They've been keeping score all year. It comes up all the time. What are you doing all day?!
Hitchcock: Nothing. Why, you want to hang out?
Quote from The Apartment
Hitchcock: Not to brag, but Scully and I have a combined total of 14 arrests. Would've been 20 but we only got 14.
Captain Holt: That's not enough arrests.
Hitchcock: Well, no one asked you. It's a self-evaluation.
Quote from Ava
Scully: Hey, if you need more fax machines, there's a ton of them in that storage room where I go to take a nap.
Amy: What? Why didn't you say something?
Hitchcock: And once again, Hitchcock and Scully save the day.
Amy: You didn't do anything. It was all Scully.
Hitchcock: We're a package deal, everyone knows that.
Quote from The Chopper
Sergeant Jeffords: We've got to make this place kid-friendly. No crime scene photos lying about.
Hitchcock: That's not a crime scene. That's a boudouir photo I'm having framed for my wife. That's me underneath the mask.
Quote from The Negotiation
Captain Holt: Hitchcock, there's a woman here interviewing detectives a part of the Commissioner selection process.
Hitchcock: All right, I'll go hide in the janitor's closet until this is all over. Thanks for the heads up.
Captain Holt: No, it's too late for that. She wants to talk to you.
Hitchcock: What? No! How could you let this happen? I'm nuts!
Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, calm down, man. We just took her on a tour of the precinct and now she's at lunch. That means we have one hour to teach you how to behave like a human.
Hitchcock: Oh, I see. You're gonna "My Bare Lady" me.
Captain Holt: "My Bare Lady"?
Sergeant Jeffords: I'm assuming it's a "My Fair Lady" porn parody.
Captain Holt: Oh, my. We've got our work cutout for us.
Quote from The Bank Job
Charles: Sarge, you think Gina will be okay?
Sergeant Jeffords: She says the doctor's can't be sure, but they're optimistic. Apparently, she has something called Ansel-Elgort Syndrome.
Charles: Oh, poor Gina.
Amy: Oh, my God.
Hitchcock: Oh, you fools. That's not a disease. Ansel Elgort's an actor. Did none of you see "The Fault in Our Stars"?
Sergeant Jeffords: No. Why did you?
Hitchcock: Teenage romance, dying chick, oxygen mask. Checks all my boxes.
Quote from 99
Jake: Sir, with all due respect, the first thing that you taught me when you came to the Nine-Nine is that we're a team, so your responsibility is my responsibility too.
Rosa: And mine.
Sergeant Jeffords: And mine.
Amy: And mine.
Charles: And mine.
Scully: And mine.
Hitchcock: Six people seems like a lot. I mean, at some point, it's just too many cooks. And mine.
Quote from Windbreaker City
Jake: So you just want us to lie on the ground and do nothing like a bunch of losers?
Agent Kendrick: Yes, precisely.