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‘Hitchcock & Scully’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Hitchcock & Scully

602. Hitchcock & Scully

Aired January 17, 2019

Jake and Charles investigate a case of Hitchcock and Scully from the 1980s. Meanwhile, Amy's uniformed officers and Terry's detectives fight over limited resources.

Quote from Jake

Hitchcock: Look, guys, we never had that money. Here. We'll prove it to you.
Scully: Those are our financial records.
Hitchcock: I don't have any retirement. I don't have any security, or a car. I rent most of my clothes.
Jake: We get it. You're poor.
Hitchcock: I'm not just poor, son. I'm destitute.
Jake: Definitely not a wink-able line.


Quote from Hitchcock

Charles: All right, calm down. We're not accusing you of anything, right, Jake?
Jake: Kinda was.
Hitchcock: This is crazy! We're innocent!
Scully: IA is railroading us like Holt said, and you're joining in the witch hunt!
Hitchcock: You're fake news! Sad!
Jake: Yeah, that's definitely the language of the innocent.

Quote from Hitchcock

Jake: Wait a minute. Why do you pay for a monthly parking spot?
Charles: Because it's New York. It's hard to park.
Jake: Yeah, but he just said he doesn't have a car. So what's parked in this spot you don't want us to know about? Could it be a super-expensive sports car, paid for in cash?
[cut to a parking garage:]
Jake: Nope. It's just a sketchy old sex van.
Hitchcock: There is nothing sketchy about the Beaver Trap.
Jake: Yes, there is.

Quote from Captain Holt

Gina: And this gibberish is actually Gina jargon, a world-renowned linguistic system that worked pretty well for Ellen Musk.
Amy: Elon Musk.
Gina: Ellen Musk.
Captain Holt: Season one winner of VH1's "Queen Bitch."

Quote from Jake

Jake: All right, tell us about the case.
Scully: We were working organized crime, and we took down a mafia boss, Gio Costa, for running cocaine.
Hitchcock: We were the studs of the Nine-Nine.
Jake: Well I'm sure "studs" is a bit of a- Oh, my God. I can't believe I'ma say this, but-
Charles: Meow.
Jake: No, that is not what I was gonna say, but honestly, yeah, meow.

Quote from Jake

Jake: No offense, guys, but what the hell happened to you?
Scully: Are you body shaming us?
Jake: No, I'm personality-shaming you. You were so alert and cool and job-doing.

Quote from Charles

Charles: I'm the tomato. I was wrong about them, and I'm probably wrong about Dragomir. I'm too nice. I let every random jerk suckle at the teat of my human kindness.
Jake: Gross.

Quote from Charles

Charles: Ooh, if they have your phone, we can track where they're going. I have "Find My Phone" set up to track you. What? I do that for all my friends, not just you.
Jake: Show me.
Charles: There's no time!

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: I've said "excuse me" more times this morning than I have in my entire life. Twice!

Quote from Gina

Gina: Gina Linetti spaghetti confetti.
Captain Holt: Gina Linetti spaghetti confetti.
Gina: Faster.
Captain Holt: GinaLinettispaghetticonfetti.
Amy: Captain Holt.
Gina: Uh, yeah, can't you see we're in the middle of something?

Quote from Scully

Charles: So what happened to the CI?
Scully: Who knows? It was so long ago. I mean, I barely remember how I got to work this morning. I think there was an ambulance involved.
Hitchcock: Oh, there was.
Scully: Oh.

Quote from Jake

Scully: Hey, thanks for having our back today. These are from the old studs of the Nine-Nine to the new studs.
Jake: Aww.
Charles: Nice. Nice. Well, I think they drank out of these. They're half-empty.
Jake: Definitely. Hitchcock's contact lens is floating in mine.

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