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‘Halloween’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Halloween

106. Halloween

Aired October 22, 2013

Jake bets Captain Holt that he can steal his Medal of Valor before midnight on Halloween. Meanwhile, Amy is unhappy when she's forced to dress up in costume to go undercover at a Halloween party.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: I'm a detective. I will detect.

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Quote from Jake

Charles: Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.
Amy: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?
Jake: "Kind, sober and fully dressed." Good news, everyone. We found the name of Santiago's sex tape!

Quote from Scully

Amy: I passed a slutty tree on the way here. Who wants to have sex with a tree?
Scully: Was it a maple?
Jake: [sarcastically] Was it a maple?

Quote from Jake

Charles: What is all this?
Amy: You know how I think Halloween is for jerks? Well, this Halloween, I was the jerk. I'm sorry about tonight.
Jake: "I'm sorry about tonight." We found the title for Santiago's follow-up sex tape!

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: Climbing the side of the building with a blowtorch? What were you thinking?
Jake: I was thinking I had better core strength. I got winded like ten feet up.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: I'm considering it. I'm interested. I agree to participate.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: Can't tell you how many nuns I wanted to beat up in Catholic school. Ten.
Sergeant Jeffords: I didn't know you went to Catholic school.
Rosa: Good. You shouldn't know it.

Quote from Jake

Amy: We got egged. Some of shell got in my contacts, and my hair, and my mouth, and my bra.
Jake: Can't tell if that's hot or not.
Amy: Not hot. Egg shell in my bra is not hot.
Jake: Well, it's kinda hot. Boobs go in a bra.

Quote from Rosa

Sergeant Jeffords: So, I called your school, and I managed to get a hold of one Sister Bernadette.
Rosa: I remember that old bag. She was my favorite.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Look, Jake, I love you like you're one of my daughters.
Jake: Really?

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: This gambit was designed to fail. It's just like in chess. Sometimes in order to win, you've got to sacrifice your king.
Captain Holt: That's exactly how you lose at chess. Have you ever played the game?

Quote from Jake

Jake: Captain, hi. I was just photo-copying some stuff.
Captain Holt: Are you trying to jam pigeons into my air conditioning vent to flush me out of my office?
Jake: Way to ruin the surprise.

Quote from Gina

Gina: Being able to read Jake's handwriting is a gift. A useless, useless gift.


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