TV Quotes

Captain Holt: [shouting a tweet outloud] "Kudos to our brave officers"!
Sergeant Jeffords: Hey, now.
Gina: Whoa! What is going on?
Captain Holt: It's in all caps.

Rosa: So what do you think?
Amy: Mm, I don't love the sash. But it's fine. I'm just gonna get it.
Rosa: What? That's the first one you tried on. I once saw you look at 54 different accordion folders and not buy any of them due to weak tabs.
Amy: I file hard. I need strong tabs.

Captain Holt: Well, I have already set up my accounts, and not to toot my own bugle, but I think I did an admirable job.
Gina: Oh, okay, what's your handle? I'll be your first follower.
Captain Holt: It's @5261796d6e6420486f6c74. It spells "Raymond Holt" in hexadecimal code. Clever, right?

Captain Holt: Oh, look at that. An alert. I'm probably trending already. What? My account has been deactivated?
Gina: Twitter thinks you're a bot.
Captain Holt: Why? I am a human. I am a human male.

Amy: Well, if I'm being honest, I would like a prettier dress.
Rosa: There you go.
Amy: And I would like it to have some lace.
Rosa: Uh-huh.
Amy: And a sweetheart neckline, thank you very much.
Rosa: What else?
Amy: And I want a mermaid cut with tulip sleeves.
Rosa: Say it again. Say it loud.
Amy: A mermaid cut with tulip frickin' sleeves!

Adrian Pimento: Charles, this isn't looking good for you. Anybody else that might have done this? Any enemies?
Charles: Well, my dad's best friend and I have a pretty intense rivalry, but I don't think my aunt would do anything illegal.

Charles: I can't. I'm in so much debt. I took out a loan for the truck. I got Amy to invest. No, the only way out of this hole is to keep digging.
Jake: That's not how holes work. Title of your sex tape.

Adrian Pimento: Look, I've caught enough arsonists in my day to know that the owner always does it. Chuck, how's the truck been doing?
Charles: Pretty terrible.
Adrian Pimento: Hmm?
Charles: I was just saying, it's a miracle it burned down.

Jake: Come on, you know we didn't commit arson.
Charles: Adrian, this is us.
Jake: Not the TV show.
Charles: We are your friends.
Jake: Not the movie.
Charles: You got to have faith.
Jake: Not the song. Are you doing this on purpose?
Charles: The third one, yes.

Captain Holt: If you really think it's necessary, I will establish a social media presence. But I'll be setting up my own accounts, and I assure you, I won't be resorting to foolish gimmicks involving my dog.
Gina: Uh, you might want to rethink that stance, because how cute would Cheddar look in this hat?
Captain Holt: Please. When it comes to clothes, Cheddar wears little booties in the snow, or Cheddar wears nothing.

Jake: Oh, my God, he had so much proof.
Charles: I can't believe he was on "Cash Cab" at the exact moment my truck burned down.
Jake: And he did so well. He named every member of The Monkees.
Charles: He even got Tork.
Jake: No one gets Tork.
Charles: I know.

Sergeant Jeffords: Captain, are you sure you wouldn't like some help with this?
Captain Holt: Oh, no need. Now, for my first tweet, I think I should give an update on the water main break that's actually informative. "NYC H20-Main SITREP: at 2040 ED current PSI 456 MAX CAP 204000 LPM." Suck on that tasty lemon drop, Olivia Crawford.

Charles: Troy's not home, but I say we wait. I have some hard questions for that rice pudding bastard.