Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Dillman’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Dillman

709. Dillman

Aired March 26, 2020

When a prank goes disastrously awry, things at the Nine-Nine take a distinctly Agatha Christie turn.

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: The point is a crime has been committed, and someone in this room did it. There are seven suspects all with means and motive. It appears what we have is a classic whodunnit.
Captain Holt: The phrase "whodunnit" is a grammatical abomination. Please use the proper term, a "who has done this."
Jake: I will not.

Rate

Quote from Rosa

Dillman: If you really watch "Drake's Hollow" every day, you won't mind if I give you a little quiz. You see, I've been known to visit the Hollow myself from time to time not unlike Nicholas Van Bronderberg. Who's the father of Eliana's twins?
Rosa: Christian is Jacob's father, but Joshua was stolen from the hospital. His real father remains unknown.
Dillman: Who did Joshua grow up to marry?
Rosa: First came Sandra, then there was Brigitte, but she turned out to be his sister. Katherine died during childbirth, though it was later revealed that she was murdered by Amanda, Joshua's next wife. They divorced after Amanda was sentenced to the electric chair. But Joshua rebounded quickly with Jasmine. Jasmine was followed by Grace, the love of his life, but she had a contract dispute with the producers so she was killed off camera by a snake.
Dillman: [chuckles] You messed up. You forgot Gwendolyn.
Rosa: No, I didn't. Joshua and Gwendolyn were technically never married because that whole season took place inside Kiki's mind... [whispering] While she was in a coma.
Dillman: Diaz is innocent.

Quote from Charles

Jake: I don't understand, Charles. If Holt already assigned you to the task force, why were you helping me try and get it?
Charles: I was planning on telling Holt no.
Jake: What? That's insane. It's a huge opportunity.
Charles: I know, but I've been meaning to cut back on hours. I'm working too much. It's affecting Nikolaj at school. He's been making so many new friends.
Jake: Wait, isn't that a good thing?
Charles: No, he's trying to get me jealous. I did the same thing to my dad.

Quote from Charles

Jake: Charles, no. Look. You have to take the task force job.
Charles: Really? What about Nikolaj?
Jake: He's gonna be so proud of his dad. I bet he even ditches those new friends.
Charles: Oh, man. That's the dream.

Quote from Rosa

Jake: Fair point, but we do shatter a lot of glass around here. Either it's Rosa who's disappointed in her Buzzfeed results...
[flashback to Rosa on a computer:]
Rosa: I am not a Blanche! [throws the mouse through a window]

Quote from Jake

Dillman: So now I'd like to move on to a real suspect. I wanna see detective Diaz in the box.
Charles: [gasps]
Jake: What... don't gasp for him. What are you doing?
Charles: I'm sorry. It just slipped out.
Rosa: Title of your sex tape.
Jake: Yeah, it's... obviously it's the title of his sex tape. Everyone's taking my stuff.


 Episode 708 Episode 710 
  Select another episode