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‘Crime & Punishment’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Crime & Punishment

422. Crime & Punishment

Aired May 23, 2017

As Jake and Rosa continue their search for a bank-robbing operation with Lieutenant Hawkins (guest star Gina Gershon), they realize there's more to her team than meets the eye. After discovering a dangerous secret, they call for back-up from Holt and Pimento (guest star Jason Mantzoukas). Meanwhile, Boyle objects to Gina's new boyfriend (guest star Ryan Phillipe). Then, Jake and Rosa are framed for a crime they didn't commit, it's up to the Nine-Nine to find a way to bust them out.

Quote from Captain Holt

Samuel Miller: Okay, so that's where we stand. Are there any questions or comments?
Captain Holt: Yes, there's something I'd like to say. Don't lose.
Sergeant Jeffords: Thought that was gonna be longer.
Jake: I loved it.
Rosa: It was perfect.


Quote from Charles

Captain Holt: You got this.
Sergeant Jeffords: You got this.
Charles: You got this.
Jake: Charles, you're-
Charles: In a wheelchair, yep. My back gave out when I was dyeing my pubes. I was only halfway done. I'm like Cruella de Vil down there.

Quote from Rosa

Captain Holt: Diaz, I've been calling you. Why weren't you answering your phone?
Rosa: Don't have it. I charged it and stuck it on a truck headed west.
Captain Holt: What's with the suitcase?
Rosa: Going to Malaysia.
Captain Holt: You're going to Malaysia?
Rosa: No, the suitcase is going to Malaysia. I'm getting on a bus to Florida.
Captain Holt: What's in Florida?
Rosa: Airport. I'm flying to Argentina.
Captain Holt: This is very complicated.
Rosa: Thank you. Adrian has a ranch in the Andes where he goes when he's on the run. He's already there, getting rid of the scorpions. Or adding more scorpions. I don't know. The reception was real bad.

Quote from Rosa

Captain Holt: Diaz, I know you're scared, but things are starting to turn around. We're on the money trail, and we just found a new lead.
Rosa: With all due respect, sir, both you and I know that none of that is gonna pan out. And you said yourself I should take action. So I am, in Argentina, surrounded by scorpions. Or not surrounded by scorpions. I'll find out when I get there.

Quote from Rosa

Captain Holt: Look. I know you're innocent, but fleeing the country is a crime. I could arrest you right here.
Rosa: Do it then. I didn't think so. The mortgage is paid off. You can give the place to whoever you want. I don't care. Actually, I do care. Don't give it to Hitchcock.

Quote from Jake

Samuel Miller: Prosecution claims you stole $26 million, but they can't trace that money to you in any way.
Jake: Yeah, I have negative $73 in my bank account. Ba-boom!
Amy: I'm somehow embarrassed and proud of you at the same time.
Jake: Yeah, that's my sweet spot.

Quote from Jake

Amy: Should we talk about what happens if they somehow find you guilty?
Jake: That's not happening. But what we should talk about is how we're gonna celebrate when I win. I'm thinking we take a trip to Paris or London, Rome, anywhere Jason Bourne has driven a car down some stairs.
Amy: Paris sounds fun. Or we could just go somewhere we could actually afford.
Jake: Oh, we can afford it. Don't forget I robbed a bank. I'm sitting on $26 million, baby!
Judge Marinovich: Excuse me?
Amy: Oh! He's just kidding.
Jake: Yeah, I'm innocent. You'll see when we get in there. Nice talking to you, Judge.

Quote from Jake

Lieutenant Melanie Hawkins: Oh, and one more thing. They're guilty.
Jake: No, we are not.
Judge Marinovich: Please don't address the jury, Mr. Peralta.
Jake: But, but, but-
Judge Marinovich: One more "but," and you will be in contempt.
Jake: [quietly] "One more 'but' and you're in contempt," name of your sex tape.

Quote from Jake

Jake: See? When the Nine-Nine puts our brains together, we can achieve anything.
Hey, we should team up and rob banks for real!
Judge Marinovich: You should stop talking in the hallway.
Jake: Yep, copy that. Nice to see you.

Quote from Jake

Amy: Let's go back to New York. You can choose the music.
Jake: Just put on anything by Enya. No, not anything. "Orinoco Flow." On repeat.

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