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14Quotes from ‘Coral Palms Pt. 1’

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Coral Palms Pt. 1

401. Coral Palms Pt. 1

Aired September 20, 2016

Jake and Holt remain in Florida, adjusting to their new lives under the Witness Protection Program, while Jimmy "The Butcher" Figgis is still on the loose. Their one human link to their regular lives is U.S. Marshall Karen Haas, but their anonymity may be in danger when a video of them goes viral.

Quote from Captain Holt

Jordan Carfton: I'm uploading the video tomorrow at my cousin's wedding. Dog track has free Wi-Fi.
Jake: Would you ever consider not uploading it and deleting it instead? If our boss sees that video, we could be fired.
Jordan Carfton: I don't care about you. A great viral video like that could fetch me ten grand. And do you know what type of tanning bed I could get for that kind of money? A mid-range one.
Captain Holt: Not necessary. Your tan is great as-is. You look like an evenly-stained deck.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: We're not cops anymore. How are we gonna get access to those files?
Jake: Easy: I walk in there dressed as an exterminator saying I'm from 1-2-3 Pest Removal. Secretary's like, "Never heard of you." Then I'm like, [Scottish accent:] "Listen, lassie, it's best you let me speak with your principal." I hear it. I'm gonna drop the accent. She takes me to see the principal you walk in behind me and download the file.
Captain Holt: The only question is, where are we gonna find an exterminator's outfit?
Jake: We're gonna need khaki pants and a khaki shirt.
Captain Holt: To my casual wear closet.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Oh, now, Stella, you know I'm still getting over the tragic loss of my wife. She was such a strong, female woman with nice, heavy breasts.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: Marshal Haas.
U.S. Marshal Karen Haas: Greg.
[Jake arrives on his ATV, his engine revving]
U.S. Marshal Karen Haas: Larry.
Jake: I can't hear you. Can you hear me?
U.S. Marshal Karen Haas: I cannot hear you.
Captain Holt: What did you say? We can't hear you.
Jake: I can't hear you; I think my engine's too loud.
U.S. Marshal Karen Haas: It's your engine. Turn off your engine.
Jake: I don't know how to turn off the engine. We should talk in your car.
U.S. Marshal Karen Haas: Let's all talk in my car.
Captain Holt: Let's talk in the marshall's car.
Jake: I think we should talk in her-

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: So I marched in there and I told him I wanted that assistant manager position.
Estelle: I wish my son had your backbone. Then he could finally divorce Emily. What does he see in her anyway?
Captain Holt: Probably her breasts, which are heavier than average. I don't mean to be crude, ladies, but that's just how the straight mind works.

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: I was already suspicious about your new positive attitude towards Florida, a state you once described as America's stinky butt. But then, after we met the marshal, you said something very strange.
Jake: It was "squirt-anly," wasn't it?
Captain Holt: No, something much stranger.
[cut to] Jake: [slowed audio] You were right.
Captain Holt: I knew then that you were up to something, so I followed you here. I guessed the combination on the first try: 69-69.
Jake: June 9, 1969, the day my parents got married.
Captain Holt: No, it isn't.
Jake: My mom's birthday.
Captain Holt: No.
Jake: The moon landing.
Captain Holt: Nope.
Jake: Fine, you're right. It's a completely random number.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: If that woman posts her camera phone video that she took with a camera phone camera to the Internet, Figgis could figure out where we are.

Quote from Captain Holt

Hestus: But you guys getting ink, or what?
Captain Holt: No, I already have a tattoo.
Jake: What? Where? Why? How? When?
Captain Holt: I will never talk about it again.
[Jake groans]

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: We don't have that kind of money.
Jake: Don't worry. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve. The only thing I need you to do is-
Captain Holt: I'm not gonna show you my tattoo.
Jake: Come on, just give me a hint. Is it an antique boat? Is it a musket? Is it me on a dragon? ... Sir, is it me on a dragon?!

Quote from Captain Holt

Taylor: Damn, Greg, you are killing it as assistant manager. I mean, having the idea to have people come in at 9:00 a.m. that has really helped business.
Captain Holt: Yes, that is when the sign says we're open.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Can I take this for a test drive?
Jake: Yeah, sure. The ignition is here.
Captain Holt: I've ridden ATVs before antiquing in the Berkshires.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: What if we don't find Figgis? What if Figgis finds us? [holds up a smart phone]
Jake: But I thought you deleted the file.
Captain Holt: I was going to, but this camera phone camera is not the same kind of camera phone camera as I have, so I couldn't figure out how.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Here at the Fun Zone, we live by one rule: when it's your birthday, you're always cool. Parents and kids are all the same. Watch as I do a dance to your name. [steady drumbeat] D-d-d-d-d-d-Derek. D-d-d-d-d-d-Derek.
Jake: Again.

Quote from Captain Holt

Jake: Figure out what's living in there yet?
Captain Holt: Well, uh, judging by the empty beer cars, the fur, the pornography, and the claw marks, I'd say a homeless man and a raccoon. The exact nature of their relationship is still revealing itself.
Jake: I'm gonna assume sexual.


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