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‘Cinco De Mayo’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Cinco De Mayo

616. Cinco De Mayo

Aired May 9, 2019

In order to distract Terry from the stress of his upcoming lieutenant's exam, Jake, Holt and the squad decide to hold the annual Halloween Heist on a new date, Cinco de Mayo.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: How many cummerbunds are you holding right now? Zero. It's one bund to none, son!


Quote from Charles

Charles: A lot of infighting. Not too late to ditch Amy and team up with this pussycat burglar.
Captain Holt: Please, Boyle, your only value was you had a doppelganger which no longer matters since Bill died in that accident.
Amy: RIP, Bill.
Sergeant Jeffords: So sad.
Charles: I can still be useful without Bill. No hole's too tight for these tiny tips. [everyone groans] For stealing stuff.

Quote from Scully

Jake: Was it hard to get through the door?
Sergeant Jeffords: No. I'm strong as hell. The hard part was getting this bracelet off Scully's wrist. How can you even feel your hand with this thing so tight?
Scully: You're supposed to feel your hands?

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Squirt more lube and help me yank.
Amy: Ugh, you know that fun braggy recap we do at the end of each win? Can we leave this part out?
Captain Holt: [GRUNTS] Yes. We'll make up a cooler thing. But for now, we lube and yank. Wrap your legs around him to anchor yourself.

Quote from Rosa

Charles: Well, it worked. Jake brought in Scully's twin just like I planned when I connected them on Facebook, but he had no idea they hated each other. And when everyone was fighting, they were too distracted to notice old Shlomo. They all underestimated me, Rosa, but today, they will learn the error of their ways, for today, I will prove that nobody gets the best of Charles Boyle.
Rosa: I doused your beard in chloroform.
Charles: Really? I find that very hard to beli- [drops to the floor]

Quote from Charles

Captain Holt: She's making it up. The pregnancy scam was my idea.
Jake: No. No, no, no, no, Amy. Wait, is that true? Did you just lie to me about our baby?
Charles: Yeah, did you lie to us about our baby?

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: His eyes aren't focusing and he hasn't referred to himself in the third person in minutes. He's clearly concussed.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Okay, well, that's not great.
Rosa: There's no way he can take the test in that condition.
Jake: You're right. Amy, you're going to have to crawl inside his shirt and operate his arms for him. It's a Ratatouille situation.
Amy: On it.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Anyway, once my fake concussion was on display, I created the perfect distraction for my partner to do his job. [claps, Cheddar comes running]
Captain Holt: Cheddar, you duplicitous bitch.

Quote from Hitchcock

Captain Holt: Okay, that whole lunch thing was clearly a ploy. But even still, I'm not worried about losing to Boyle.
Jake: No one is. He's a joke. All right, let's get this thing going. Scully will be locked in the supply closet with his bracelet.
Scully: Can I lie down on the floor?
Jake: Uh, yeah. You can do whatever you want. And you're already on the ground.
With Hitchcock. And you both have pillows.
Hitchcock: Best day ever.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Jake: I have so many plans and supplies. I even have a victory banner that unfurls with a voice command. I can't say what, but it's so cool.
Sergeant Jeffords: I thought this was a spur-of-the-moment fun way to distract me from freaking out about my exam.
Jake: Well, it wasn't exactly hard to predict, Sarge. Your catchphrase is "Terry hates tests."
Sergeant Jeffords: It's true. Terry hates tests.

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