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‘Chocolate Milk’ Quotes

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Chocolate Milk

202. Chocolate Milk

Aired October 5, 2014

When Jake offers to drive Sergeant Jeffords to the hospital for his vasectomy, Terry tells Jake he thinks of him as "work friend" - not a friend friend. When a drugged up Terry admits he isn't sure he wants the vasectomy, Jake tries to prevent the operation. Meanwhile, Captain Holt is in a precarious position when an enemy from his past returns in a position of power.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Captain Wuntch. Good to see you. But if you're here, who's guarding Hades?

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Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Your head is so small. It is so small. Where do you keep your brains?

Quote from Amy

Amy: Oh my God, she's totally gonna flunk us. I haven't gotten an F since I failed recess in second grade. "Teachers need a break too, Amy".

Quote from Jake

Jake: That's so bitter. What's wrong with this chocolate milk?
Store owner: Dark milk isn't chocolate milk. This is teat-to-mouth raw cow's milk. The bitterness of the chocolate brings out the sourness in the milk.
Jake: That's the worst part of both of those things.

Quote from Jake

Doctor: We weren't able to do the procedure. Your friend is so large-
Jake: That you needed a bigger big saw to cut through his dingus.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Jake! The doctors made me into a superhero. I'm so strong. Oh, and they made me black!

Quote from Gina

Gina: Hold it up. You're gonna let some quack doctor just knife around down there? You are blessed with a great power, and you should never snip its wings. You should let it soar.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: I guess I didn't really think of you as that kind of friend.
Jake: Sarge, I'm every kind of friend. I'm Phoebe, I'm Chandler, I'm Rachel, I'm - who's the dinosaur guy?
Sergeant Jeffords: Ross, bro. Ross!
Jake: Sorry, I forgot you were such a Ross head.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Jake, you were right. I don't want the surgery, tiny head!
Jake: NYPD! Put down the scalpel and step away from my work friend's wiener tubes.

Quote from Jake

Counsellor: He's walking out. Just like your father did.
Jake: Wait a minute. I didn't tell you about that.
Counsellor: Didn't have to.
Jake: You are good!

Quote from Captain Holt

Madeline Wuntch: Spot checks are done. Needless to say I'm thoroughly underwhelmed.
Captain Holt: Huh. From your expression, I would have guessed constipated. Or chilly.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Jake: Look guys, if the Sarge wants to chop off his penis, then it's his choice.
Sergeant Jeffords: That's not what a vasectomy is.

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: You gotta promise me, you won't let them give me the operation. I wanna have more kids. I don't want the vasectomy. Promise me, tiny head, promise me!

Quote from Sergeant Jeffords

Sergeant Jeffords: Hey! Cut it out, Cake Boy, you're making health insurance more expensive for everyone else.

Quote from Amy

Captain Holt: Santiago, when I greet the deputy chief, I want you there by my side to make a good impression. No offense, but you are something of a teacher's pet.
Amy: None taken. People love their pets.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Good news is our evaluation will be done by Deputy Chief Brandt. We have a good rapport. He was once my captain.
Charles: So he's kinda like our grand-captain?
Captain Holt: That is amazingly funny.

Quote from Jake

Sergeant Jeffords: Stop worrying about my vasectomy, man. Maybe you should focus on your own body. When was the last time you had a carrot?
Jake: Well, it's my least favorite type of cake, so rarely. If I have to, I'll just eat the frosting.


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