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15Quotes from ‘Chasing Amy’

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Chasing Amy

418. Chasing Amy

Aired May 9, 2017

The precinct packs up and heads to the Tri-State Police Officers' annual Cop-Con, which is usually the Nine-Nine's excuse for a big annual party. But the squad's fun is threatened this year when Holt asks them to be on their best behavior. Then, Amy suddenly vanishes hours before taking the Sergeant Exam, and it's up to Jake and Rosa to find her before it's too late.

Quote from Gina

Jake: I can't believe this is happening. I didn't think there was any way she could fail the practice test.
Rosa: Well, we still have three hours until the exam.
Jake: First we gotta figure out where she is. All right, think. If you were Amy, where would you be right now?
Gina: Oh, uh, boring pantsuit store. A crossword factory? A museum of retainers and headgear? Is it possible to enter the color beige?

Quote from Jake

Amy: No, practice exams are worthless. The testing conditions are way too pristine. There's nothing to distract you. I mean, look around. A child could pass the frickin' MCAT in here.
Jake: I knew you would say that, which is why I've asked these officers to do their paperwork in here while you take the test. He writes way too loudly.
She's always yawning. He has a gross cold. IBS, IBS. She has a weird arm-stretching thing. IBS, IBS, and Hitchcock and Scully with two hours worth of potato chips.
Amy: Oh, my God, it's gonna be crinkle-city.
Hitchcock: Jake said we get to eat with our mouths open.
Scully: [chuckles] What a day!

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Sir, a witness just came in with her child. While she was being interviewed, I took the kid to the soft room, and the toy situation in there is kind of bleak.
Captain Holt: Is this your opinion or the child's opinion?
Sergeant Jeffords: It's mine.
Captain Holt: Trick question. Any opinion about toys is a child's opinion.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Um, I was thinking we could liven things up in there. Maybe add a model train? I used to love 'em when I was a kid.
Captain Holt: I was also a model train enthusiast as a child. Those miniature tracks provided me with some of my happiest memories.
[cut to a young Raymond Holt playing with his train set:]
Captain Holt: All aboard! The train will be departing in 45 minutes. [clock ticking]

Quote from Gina

Charles: Don't get jealous. She left you something too.
Gina: Oh, that's so nice of her. And it's a big jar of brown sludge that smells like death.
Charles: Oh, you got the mother dough!
Gina: Ugh! Did this come out of her? Charles, how grossed out should I be right now?

Quote from Gina

Charles: No, that's the Boyle family sourdough starter. It's fed us for 140 years. The bread it births is succulent and firm. Tang for days.
Gina: I hate so many of the words you just used.

Quote from Charles

Gina: Charles, if it's so great, why would she give it to me? I barely knew her.
Charles: You know what, she probably got you confused with my cousin Tina. He was always her favorite.
Gina: Tina is a boy's name?
Charles: Yeah, short for Christina.
Gina: Mm.

Quote from Rosa

Rosa: What are you looking all wistful about?
Jake: Just thinking, about relationships and love, and how I'm way better at them than I thought I'd be. Should I do a TED Talk on it?
Rosa: Doesn't seem any dumber than all the other TED Talks.

Quote from Hitchcock

Jake: Amy's not in the break room.
Rosa: Or the evidence room.
Hitchcock: Or the ladies' bathroom. You know what? I'll check again.
Rosa: I've never seen him walk with such purpose. What a wretched man.

Quote from Jake

Jake: Okay, fine, I'll be Amy. Just know everything I'm about to say, I say with love. [exhales sharply] Okay. I'm outside. It's 78 degrees and yet somehow I'm still cold. Better walk on the sunny side of the street. Wait, did I remember to put on sunscreen? Pause to think, pause to think. Yes, I did put on sunscreen, and I bragged about it all morning. Amy's on the move. And I'm walking, I'm walking.

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: Check out Jeffords Junction. It's got a ice cream shop, a '50s diner, and a Mexican restaurant with a sombrero on it.
Captain Holt: What happens to the sombrero when it rains? I see no drains.
Does it just fill up with water until the building collapses, killing everyone inside?
Sergeant Jeffords: Fun fact: it never rains at Jeffords Junction.
Captain Holt: So you achieved this level of lushness through irrigation alone?

Quote from Captain Holt

Sergeant Jeffords: I don't know. I'm just trying to build a fun world. That's what model trains are all about: imagination.
Captain Holt: No, they're about accuracy. People like to see the world around them exactly as it is, but smaller.

Quote from Jake

Kylie: Oh, no, I like him, just not as a boyfriend for Amy. Or as a trivia teammate.
Jake: Okay, Kylie, you have gotta get over the trivia thing. I tried my hardest!
[cut to Jake, Amy and Kylie at a bar's trivia night:]
Jake: The phrase you're looking for is, "Winter is coming."
Captain Holt: No, what Paul Revere said was that the British are coming.
Kylie: Come on.
Jake: Yeah, come on.
[present:]
Jake: So what, Paul Revere never said "winter is coming?" Not even in late autumn? I still think I was right.

Quote from Captain Holt

Captain Holt: Hello, Dylan. I'm Captain Holt. We have some trains here to play with, like this one that carries coal and rivets, the two main exports of our town. Would you like to transport some coal or rivets?

Quote from Jake

Captain Holt: Okay, welcome to trivia night.
Kylie: You said you would never bring him again.
Amy: Don't worry, it's gonna be fine, I promise.
Jake: Is it?
Captain Holt: Tonight's first category, by special request, the "Transformers" movies.
Jake: Yes!
Captain Holt: Question one. What is the name of the evil race of Transformers?
Jake: The robot bad robot. Oh, God, I don't know.
Kylie: Damn it, Jake!
Jake: I'm sorry, I can't take the trivia "presh"! Why couldn't you have just given me the three minutes?


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