Mr. Feeny: This isn't an F. This is an F+. Your work is deplorable, your penmanship illegible, but after all your mother is my sister, so there we are. I'll see you at Thanksgiving.

Eric: I cheated. I had the answers to the test written on my hand.
Mr. Feeny: And you only managed an A-?
Eric: I sneezed off a couple of the answers.

Mr. Feeny: Because two people are involved with this and if I punish two people, I get a bonus at the end of the week.

Eric: Okay, a B average. That's not a problem, so what do I need for that, like Bs?

Topanga: Where's Cory?
Shawn: Didn't you hear? He's out sick. He's real sick, he's got something bad.
Topanga: How bad?
Shawn: Hey, today's film-strip day in Sex Ed and he's not here.

Mr. Feeny: Thursday's examination will include everything up to the French Revolution.
Eric: Uh, excuse me. Will we have to know who won?
Mr. Feeny: Yes, you will need to know who won and by how much.

Eric: We seem to be stuck on that C plus, and we just can't get off it.
Mr. Feeny: The word is mired.
Eric: All right, what about on the next test or two, if you give us, say, Bs?You know what's gonna happen?
Mr. Feeny: Tell me.
Eric: For the first time, we're gonna know how exciting it is to get a B.
We'd be hooked! We would do anything we could to get another one of those B's. We would be inspired to study and learn from that day forward.
Mr. Feeny: Aha. Then why don't we give elephants pants? Perhaps then they'd be inspired to buy coats.

Eric: You know, there are no babes in all of history. You know what they do when they finally find one?
Alan: They burn her at the stake.
Eric: Dopes.