Alan: Isn't this the Hunters' trailer?
Guy: Uh, no. We're the Unters. Like it says right there on the sign.
Alan: Oh. Naturally I assumed the H had fallen off.
Guy: So you think if a letter fell off of my name, I wouldn't replace it?
Alan: No, we're just lost. Friendly people. Lost.

Alan: I don't understand what kind of audience they're trying to impress with this show.
Eric: Rocko's a wallaby. This is stuff I don't know!
Alan: Now I get it.

Alan: It's for the baby. But don't worry, we won't re"duck"orate until you move out.

Alan: Too late. I turned forty, my back went out. Now all I can do is lay on this couch and wonder how Angela Lansbury solves all those crimes.

Alan: Yes, sex is like voting. You go behind a curtain, you do your thing, and then you get to do it again ... in four years.

Alan: You chose Shawn over your own flesh and blood? You're dead to me.

Cory: Dad, keep your wallet open. I got pictures, too.
Alan: What grade are you in?
Cory: Eleven.
Alan: We've got enough of you.

Cory: Hey dad, how about some quality time with your son?
Alan: I can't. I'm spending some quality time with your toilet.

Alan: I'm hungry. Shawn ate everything on the boat except the worms.
Cory: He usually likes those.