‘Top Banana’
Season 1, Episode 2 - Aired November 9, 2003
Michael tries to get to the bottom of the Bluth empire's finances with no help from his family. George Michael works more hours at the frozen banana stand to get away from his new roommate, cousin Maeby. Meanwhile, Tobias and Lindsay search for jobs.
Quote from Gob
Gob: Michael, having a nice day at the beach while the rest of us are busting our asses to deliver your mail?
Quote from Michael
Michael: Hey, what are you doing?
George Michael: I was just, uh... I was burning down the banana stand.
Michael: What?
George Michael: I'm sorry. I screwed it all up. I've got no right to call myself Mr. Manager.
Michael: Manager.
George Michael: Manager. I'm sorry, Dad.
Michael: Oh, George Michael.
George Michael: I am. But I'll make it up to you. I'll work weeknights. I'll lay people off. I'll give up my summer, all my summers. just just tell me what to do, and I'll do it.
Narrator: Michael realized he had done to his son what his father had done to him so he came up with a solution.
Michael: Burn it down.
George Michael: What?
Michael: Let's burn this son of a bitch.
Quote from George Sr.
T-Bone: What's up, pumpkin?
George Sr.: Hey. T-Bone! What's up? Yeah. T-Bone's my roommate.
Michael: Oh.
George Sr.: He's a flamer. T's checking out today.
T-Bone: Yeah.
Michael: Well, I guess every vacation's gotta come to an end. [T-Bone looks unimpressed as he walks away]
George Sr.: You just made a fool out of yourself in front of T-Bone. Anyway, I want you to give him a job at the company. Sales.
Michael: I'm not gonna do that.
George Sr.: Why not?
Michael: Because we don't have any money.
George Sr.: Because he's a flamer? I told you that in confidence.
Quote from Lindsay
Lindsay: Not that I have to defend myself, but for your information, I did go shopping.
Michael: You spent $68 on hair conditioner?
Lindsay: A small price to pay for self-esteem, Michael. Or are you still jealous that you lost Best Hair to me in high school and got Dorkiest?
Narrator: Lindsay's achievements in high school had always overshadowed Michael's.
Quote from Maeby
Michael: Some really great spousal support. You know something, Lindsay? You might wanna start thinking about the example you're setting for your daughter unless you want her to end up just like you.
[Maeby is laying behind the couch while texting on her phone]
Maeby: Yeah. Shoot me when that happens.
Michael: Is there a carbon monoxide leak in this house?
Quote from Michael
Michael: George Michael, you're taking your cousin to work today. That's your new employee. I do not want my niece to end up just like everyone in this family.
Lindsay: Uh-uh. You're not telling my daughter what to do. She's a child!
Maeby: No, I'm not. I can work.
George Michael: I don't know about this. I mean, it can get pretty hairy in there.
Lindsay: Fine. Do what you want. If I know my daughter, that stand won't be there in a week.
Michael: You stay on top of her, buddy. Do not be afraid to ride her. Hard.
Quote from Michael
Michael: Well, that's great, but I've got my own problems. The flight records? They burned up. That's fine. That's over with. But I think Dad is behind it. I think Dad is trying to run the business from prison.
Lindsay: Well, isn't that ironic? I'm making a fortune at my new job and you don't even have the job you thought you did.
Michael: But- But you don't have a job. You've got a job offer. Anybody can get a job offer.
[meanwhile, Tobias sobs in the shower]
Quote from Michael
Lucille: Gob is unhappy.
Michael: Again? I tried to include him. I gave him a job.
Lucille: You gave him a letter to mail.
Michael: Don't tell me that was too much for him.
Lucille: No, Michael, he mailed the letter. That's not the point.
Narrator: Gob had not mailed the letter, but, in an act of defiance dramatically hurled the letter into the sea. This proved a more difficult dramatic gesture than he'd anticipated.
Quote from George Michael
George Michael: You know, I think we might be doubling our losses here. Because, I mean, for every dollar you take, you're actually taking two dollars because we paid for the bananas.
Maeby: [chuckles] Oh, my God, you're right.
George Michael: I am? Oh, God, I've screwed this up! Okay, we gotta go. Oh, my God! It's your mom and Gangie.
Maeby: What are they doing here?
George Michael: They're grown-ups. They're allowed to have fun whenever they want. We're kids. We're supposed to be working. Wait, now they're gonna tell my dad and he's gonna come check the totals and know we took the money. Oh, God, this is bad. What are we gonna do?
Quote from Michael
T-Bone: Welcome to Bluth Bananas, where bananas are our business. May I interest you in a banana this day?
Michael: T-Bone, what are you doing here?
T-Bone: Your dad gave me this job.
Narrator: Michael realized that his father had even taken control of the banana stand. But he still had some unanswered questions so he did a little detective work.
Michael: You burn down the storage unit?
T-Bone: Oh, most definitely.