Narrator: Tobias suffered a rare psychological affliction of never being able to be completely naked.
[flashback to Tobias emerging from a dressing room:]
Tobias: Excuse me. Do these effectively hide my thunder?
[flashback to Tobias in a doctor's office:]
Proctologist: Oh, I'm sorry. No, I need you to be completely undressed.
Tobias: I am completely undressed.
[present:]
Michael: I thought he just liked cutoffs.
Lindsay: Me too.

Narrator: Each with their new charge the Bluths set about redefining their image. Tobias was off to Los Angeles International Airport determined to return to his family with a career.
Tobias: Well, this is great. Why would anybody take a limo? What is this, like, $12?
[later, with two young passengers in the van:]
Tobias: Why would anybody pay more than $12 to go to the airport? Next stop, LAX.
[later, with another group also in the van:]
Tobias: Come on! We're stopping again? How many more stops are we gonna make? Honestly, I haven't even seen this part of Los Ang- Is that snow?

Tobias: Really, now. This is ridiculous. I paid 12 American- Oh, my God. You are Carl Weathers, the actor. I went to San Francisco to attend your stage fighting workshop. But you never showed up.
Carl Weathers: I got bumped from that flight. Hell, they'll give you $300 if you get bumped. It's this crazy loophole in the system that the wrong guy discovered. Guess where I won't be going. [chuckles]
Tobias: Yeah. So... I am an actor too.
Carl Weathers: Oh. Good.
Tobias: Well, I want to be. Without the proper training, I'm afraid I'm doomed to be a doctor.
Carl Weathers: Well, hell, I can train you.
Tobias: Oh, well, I'm afraid all I have is $1,100 and that's for this plane ticket, so...
Carl Weathers: Check this out. $1,100 is exactly what I charge for acting classes.
Tobias: No, it isn't!
Carl Weathers: Yeah.
Tobias: Well, what are the chance... [chuckles] Universe, you've done it again.

Narrator: Tobias had recently hired actor Carl Weathers as a drama coach.
Tobias: Do you see me more as the respected dramatic actor or more the beloved comic actor?
Carl Weathers: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! There's still plenty of meat on that bone. You take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato... Baby, you got a stew goin'.
Tobias: Yes, that's fine. But I would like to focus on my acting, Mr. Weathers. I did give you my last $1,100.
Carl Weathers: Let me tell you a little story about acting. I was doing this Showtime movie, Hot Ice, with Anne Archer. Never once touched my per diem. I go to craft service, get some raw veggies, bacon, cup of soup... Baby, I had a stew goin'.
Tobias: I think I'd like my money back.

Narrator: Meanwhile, Tobias told Lindsay that he couldn't do the part.
Tobias: It plays naked, okay?
Lindsay: Tobias, we're gonna have to deal with this sometime. I mean, I understand you not wanting to do it on film but you can't even get undressed in front of me.
Tobias: It is not you, Lindsay. I can't get undressed alone. I can't get undressed by myself. I mean, this is a real affliction. I'm sorry it's not recognized here in the states. But I know for a fact that there are two members of German Parliament. They're called "nein wohlstandig" nude. But they're German, so... They speak German, so they have a different...

Warden Stefan Gentles: But didn't you come here to research the nature of fear? I can't think of a better teacher than White Power Bill. He's like a master's course unto himself.
Tobias: So you think I'm a coward.
Warden Stefan Gentles: There's only one man I've ever called "coward". That's Brian Doyle-Murray. No. What I'm calling you is a television actor.
Tobias: Ouch.

Narrator: George Sr. was forced to visit someone he had once tried to shove out of a moving car.
Tobias: Welcome.
George Sr.: You're Dorothy?
Tobias: I thought the two of us could talk, man-on-man. [George Sr. tries to walk out of the cell] I'm afraid I'm serious. I bought you. Remember to let it steep for five minutes.
George Sr.: Oh, dear God.
Tobias: I've been in this family for 16 years and I don't think we've ever had a conversation.
George Sr.: I'm not gonna discuss this.
Tobias: You hate me.
George Sr.: Yeah, I do hate you. You took my daughter. My precious little girl and moved her away. And now I'm here, and I am afraid I will never get her back.
Tobias: Afraid. You're afraid. Fear has turned into hate. So Frightened Inmate #2 isn't frightened at all. He's angry. He's a crabby old coot and he needs love just like everyone. [hugs George Sr.]
George Sr.: Get your [bleep] hands off of me.
Tobias: Shh. Don't be scared. [sings] Somewhere over the rainbow There's another rainbow

Tobias: I just want to be a family again. I guess what I'm saying is I want to reunite the band.
Michael: Oh, no.
Narrator: "Oh, no" was right. In the mid '90s, Tobias formed a folk music group with Lindsay and Maeby called Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution. The group was underwritten by the Natural Life Food Company, a division of Chem Grow, an Allyn-Crane acquisition, and part of the Squimm Group. Their motto was simple. "We keep you alive."
Tobias & Lindsay: [singing] Kind of life that's a little bit better with a Zanotab
Young Maeby: Zanotab may cause dry mouth, hair loss an overly alert feeling, and in some cases may diminish your sex drive.
Tobias & Lindsay: [singing] Zanatab.

Gob: Anyway, I can't be expected to live on the $800-a-month army-wife stipend that I'm gonna get.
Tobias: They just don't support the spouses.
Michael: You don't want to end up like Uncle Oscar, okay? Living off handouts your whole life. Why don't you come up with a way to make money? A suggestion of something to invest in, or maybe, uh, maybe a business idea?
Tobias: Well, I've always wanted to remake Annie Hall. Except I wouldn't want to get in bed with a green producer like a Sofia Coppola though. Oh, but give me an old pro, like a Robert Redford? Oh, I'd jump into bed with him in a second. And I wouldn't just lie there, Michael Bluth, if that's what you're thinking.
Michael: Actually, that time that was what I was thinking.

Michael: It did bother me that they did so well without me. But l-I do have to ask them for help.
Tobias: And I have to ask for an audition.
Michael: You haven't auditioned yet?
Tobias: Oh, no, no. I'm not in the group yet. No, I'm afraid I just "blue" myself.
Michael: There's gotta be a better way to say that.