Michael: Can you transfer that onto something less obsolete? I got to save my brother. I think it's time to find out if Mother can handle the truth.
John Beard: A Few Good Men. Great movie. But first, I got to wash the pile...
Michael: Sure. Take your time.

Michael: The district attorney has provided some very provocative information about the defendant. She has claimed that he was responsible, at a very young age, for pushing our grandmother, Mimi, down the stairs. Thus, that he killed before.
Lucille: What are you doing, Michael? Trying to prove the prosecution's theories? Stop showing off and get to the point.
Michael: What if Buster did not push Mimi down the stairs?
Lucille: What are you talking about?
Michael: The question is, do you recall the night in 1982 when Mimi died?
Lucille: Where are you going with this, Michael?
Michael: I just want the truth.
Lucille: Oh, God, are you going for one of your Few Good Men moments?

Michael: Surely you remember the night your mother died.
Lucille: Of course I do. Terrible, what happened.
Michael: Tell me, what did happen? Because the prosecution would have us believe that Buster Bluth, your son, my brother, was responsible for that death.
Lucille: Well, he did confess to it.
Michael: So it seems that even Buster believes the story that happened in 1982.
Lucille: It was an accident. He was very young. He didn't understand the consequences.
Michael: So you are stating, as a fact, that Buster pushed your mother down the stairs?
Lucille: Buster says Buster pushed my mother.
Michael: And I think you pushed your mother. I think that Mimi might not have been the only person that took a fall that night. I think you let Buster take a fall for you.
Lucille: Oh, I see. So if I pushed my mother down the stairs, maybe I did this, too?
Michael: Maybe you did.
Lucille: I- I thought this was about my mother.
Michael: It's about family, all of it.
Lucille: Stay on topic, Michael.
Michael: Okay, fine, let's do that. Where were you the night that Lucille Austero disappeared?
Lucille: I don't know where I was. I don't know who was where! Where were you?

Michael: So it seems that I came home from somewhere. The point is that we're talking about you, not me.
Lucille: Well, maybe we should talk about you. You were there. You owed her money! You borrowed it, didn't you, Michael?
Michael: Yes, I did borrow money, because I care about the family, which I thought-
Lucille: Oh, stay on topic. You bounce like a beach ball.
Michael: I'm answering the question. I'm saying, soemtimes when you care about a family or a business, you do things people might not understand.
Lucille: Michael! Michael!
Michael: And... And sometimes you do bad things that you don't remember or I don't want to remember.
George Sr.: Objection.
Lucille: Michael's out of control. You're out of control.
Michael: So maybe I was out of control that night, but at least I can admit it.
Lucille: Admit what? You're talking like you killed Lucille Austero!
Michael: You're goddamn right I did!
Narrator: And that's how Michael A Few Good Men-ed himself.

Lucille: What the hell was that? You had me on the stand. You were making me look like a murderer!
Michael: I'm sorry, Mom. I found the tapes where you were making Buster think he pushed Mimi down the stairs.
Lucille: Exactly. Those are the tapes I wanted you to find. I couldn't have laid it out any more clearly for you. All you had to do was get me on the stand and make me look like a liar. How do you screw that up?
Michael: Screw that up? What, you wanted me to accuse you of pushing Mimi down the stairs?
Lucille: Well, we couldn't have the jury thinking Buster did it, because they'd be totally convinced he did the same thing to Lucille 2, and I couldn't exactly accuse myself of killing Mimi. I would just look like a loving mother lying to protect her son. But I didn't push Mimi down the stairs. Buster did.
Michael: Mom, you're on tape admitting that you did it and telling Buster to confess to being a murderer.
Lucille: He thought he was saying that to save his mother. We were implanting a memory. We didn't want him growing up thinking he was a killer.
Michael: Instead, he thinks he's a hero.

Michael: Meanwhile, I grow up thinking I'm a hero, and I turn out to be a killer.
Lucille: You didn't kill anyone.
Michael: No, no. I think I did. I think they're probably on their way to come lock me up right now.
Lucille: Lottie's not going to reopen the case.
Michael: Mom, I just confessed in there.
Lucille: That you were drugged and don't fully remember.
Michael: But why did I change shirts? Why did I say I lost control?
Lucille: Michael, they've got nothing. No body. It's a mistrial. It's over. Dusty told me. Two brothers can't be charged for the same crime.
Michael: Well, I hate to say it, but you may have been getting better advice from Barry.

Michael: But I should talk. I mean, I thought I was better than this family, but I've made a mess of everything. I- I couldn't keep Lindsay around. My son will likely be ruined at the wall unveiling for not having the software. That's my fault. Turns out, I'm the worst. I'm the worst Bluth.
Lucille: Never say that! Gob is the worst.
Michael: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

George Sr.: I'm actually more worried about the Chinese. I don't think they're happy with the protesters. If this doesn't work, they'll never stop coming after us for the debt. Oh, God, I just got an amiable nod.
Lucille: Are you sure it was amiable?
George Sr.: Yeah, it was pretty amiable.

Lucille: Okay, look away. I wouldn't want our congresswoman to think we're colluding.
Sally Sitwell: Hello, Lucille.
Lucille: Oh, Sally.
Sally Sitwell: Colluding with who?
Lucille: Oh, the protesters. I don't know who let these libtards in here.
Sally Sitwell: I beg your pardon?
George Sr.: People with liberal-tardation.

Sally Sitwell: Well, they're not making it easier for me to sign off on this prototype. I can't believe you'd let them in.
Lucille: We didn't let them in. I- I don't know how they got past the guard gate.
George Sr.: You know, maybe we should think about hiring a guard.
Lucille: God, I see the problem. Frosty the Snowflake over there.