‘The Cabin Show’
Season 3, Episode 1 - Aired September 19, 2005
When Michael goes to visit his father in prison, he learns that Oscar is actually the one behind bars, a revelation that threatens the camping trip Michael promised his son.
Quote from George Sr.
Gob: I didn't even know that we had a cabin. Ah, [bleep].
Michael: Well, for what it's worth, Gob, I've never actually been there.
Narrator: Although he'd often been promised.
[montage of flashbacks to Michael's childhood:]
George Sr.: Hey, pal. Something's come up. This nice young lady has lost her puppy, and your dad's got to help her find him.
George Sr.: Oh, bad news, buddy. This young lady's dad is sick, and I'm taking her to the hospital.
George Sr.: Come on, you're old enough to figure this out. I'm nailing this broad.
Quote from Michael
Narrator: And Michael broke a two-month silence and went to visit his father.
Oscar: You came! Someone came!
Michael: Only to tell you that the company is back on track and it's because you're behind bars. And now I get to do with my son what you never did with me. I'm taking him to the cabin.
Oscar: [muted]- scar, and every night they - [muted]
Michael: I'm scarred, too, but my son is not going to be.
Oscar: [muted] - and they cover it with soap, and you're supposed to thank them,
Michael: That's all I came to say.
Oscar: ...like they're doing you a favor!
Michael: Is there anything you'd like for me to pass on to the family?
Oscar: I'm your uncle! I'm your dad's twin brother. I'm Oscar! He switched on me. No one believes me.
Narrator: Unfortunately for Oscar, "You've got the wrong twin" was a very popular alibi.
Quote from Michael
Oscar: I even started a Web site, ImOscar.com. I'm innocent, Michael. I'm Oscar... dot com.
Michael: No, no, don't buy it. I'm taking my son to the cabin, and there's nothing you can say to make me believe that you are not my father.
Oscar: I understand. Your child comes first.
Michael: Oh, my God, you're Oscar!
Oscar: Dot com!
Quote from Lindsay
Narrator: So Michael returned to the office to try and free his uncle, when he realized how much that freedom would cost his employees.
Employees: [chant] Don't buy!
Lindsay: Don't buy. We did it, Mikey! We're super rich again! And, I'm going to buy a car. The Volvo.
Michael: Lindsay, you're not going to start spending money. And this is not a Volvo.
Lindsay: Oh, that's from sitting on the copier.
Quote from Michael
Lindsay: Michael, I've got nothing! My husband dumped me and ran off to Vegas with Kitty. That bleached blonde whore!
Michael: Well, he's definitely got a type.
Lindsay: I can't believe he left me. I mean, this, and these and this!
Michael: That's the car.
Lindsay: Oh. This.
Michael: Glad I didn't spring for color.
Quote from Lindsay
Michael: Lindsay, the only reason you want Tobias is because you can't have him. And the second that you can have something, all of a sudden you don't want it.
Lindsay: That's not who I am, Michael.
Michael: Well, all right, maybe you're right. Maybe we should get you this car.
Lindsay: Yeah? I don't know, it's so boxy.
Quote from Gob
Steve Holt: Get them to track down your dad, too?
Gob: My dad actually had them track me down. But... it does look like he's not going to show. I kind of feel like that kid who found the severed hand.
Steve Holt: "Hey, Dad, look what I found!"
Gob: Anything for his father's approval. Heartbreaking. You look familiar.
Steve Holt: I think that's because we actually kind of look alike.
Narrator: Remember when I said Gob had a son?
Gob: I'm Gob.
Narrator: I wasn't just saying that. In high school, Gob became intimate with these girls. These girls got pregnant. This one had a baby. And that baby would grow up to be... Steve Holt.
Gob & Steve Holt: Steve Holt!
Quote from Steve Holt
Steve Holt: All I ever wanted was to spend a little time with my Dad. Maybe go camping. But I guess that'll never happen.
Gob: Look, I know this is going to sound kind of crazy, but my family actually has a cabin in the woods for one more night. Maybe we could go up to Reno, get the keys and go camping. You know, sort of a son-and-son thing.
Narrator: If Steve had had a father, he would've warned him not to go into the woods with strange men, but he didn't.
Steve Holt: Sure! Let's go!
Gob: Okay! This is me right here.
Steve Holt: Oh, okay. [hops on Gob's Segway] Steve Holt!
Quote from Tobias
Tobias: Hello, and welcome to Swallows. Can I interest you in a smoothie or an amyl- Michael!
Michael: Tobias, I thought that you were in Vegas with Kitty in the Blue Man Group.
Tobias: No, as it turns out, the part that I'd destroyed my life to get had already been cast.
Narrator: The role was filled by George Sr., who used it to hide in plain sight. That is, until he choked on a marshmallow and almost died, when no one noticed he'd turned blue.
Tobias: So Kitty suggested we come up here to try out in Reno, and... Oh, I'll be honest, Michael. Leaving Lindsay was the biggest little mistake I've ever made. I can't seem to call her, though. Damn, this pride of mine!
Manager: Tuna melt's up, and you need to flip the cushions in the grind room.
Tobias: Yes, sir. Right away, sir. Oh, great, now I'm going to be smelling to high heaven like a tuna melt.
Quote from Lindsay
Narrator: So Michael called Lindsay to say he'd found her husband.
Lindsay: [on the phone] All right, I'm on my way.
Michael: I'll just bring him back with me.
Lindsay: He wants to come home?
Michael: I mean, against his will.
Lindsay: Well, knock him out, if you have to. He's my husband.
Michael: Just watch the kids like you promised, okay?