Lindsay: This pig Phillip Litt is out there asking girls to take their tops off. It's an outrage.
Gob: Well, of course you feel that way. You're jealous. You're a surfboard. But I do agree he is a pig. [Lindsay hits Gob in his water-squirter] Can we stop worrying about girls with low self-esteem and start focusing on sobering up the woman who gave us ours?
Michael: What do you think about rehab?
Tobias: Well, she won't go willingly. I can tell you that.
Gob: May I make a suggestion? Get implants. [Lindsay hits Gob again] Really. Wha- Come on! This stuff is expensive!

Michael: [to Lucille] I was thinking that I would go with you for the week.
Buster: So what? I just stay here alone? I'm not exactly equipped to run this place by myself! You can't just leave me here alone! [sees the Roomba] Have a great trip.

Cal Cullen: Shady Pines is a wonderful facility up there on the hill. You know, they used to film Sugarfoot up there.
Michael: No?
Cal Cullen: Were you a fan of Sugarfoot?
Michael: I loved it.
Narrator: Sugarfoot had been off the air 12 years before Michael was born.
Cal Cullen: Well, sing the theme song of Sugarfoot along with me. [sings] Sugarfoot
Michael: Yeah, Sugarfoot...
Cal Cullen: Easy lopin', cattle-ropin', Sugarfoot...
Michael: Na, na, na...
Cal Cullen: Carefree as the tumbleweeds...
Michael: Huchah!
Cal Cullen: Oh, what the hell. You're a good kid. Let's make the deal.

Michael: I've gotta get my hands on that evidence. Problem is I just checked her into rehab. They're not exactly gonna let me take her to a bar. So, Gob, I need you to help me sneak her past the guards.
Gob: Well, gee, I didn't think the woman I'd be checking out at spring break would be Mom.
Buster: She's better looking than the whores you date.
Gob: Don't call my escorts whores.
Buster: Mom's still got it!
Gob: I don't date whores!

Narrator: And Michael met up with Gob to try and find their father.
Gob: I got it from the banana stand freezer. The exact same kind of cooler that's in the photo with Dad.
Michael: What do we need another cooler for?
Gob: Ah, poor Michael. You do not think like a magician. Such a "How'd he do dat?"
Michael: Uh-huh.
Gob: It's a classic bait and switch. This is a decoy cooler. We take it in, switch it with the one from the photo and get out of there. Kitty comes back. Everything's normal. It's like we were never there.
Michael: But Dad's gone.
Gob: Long gone. But it buys us all the time in the world. I got it back, Mikey. The self-confidence. I am a magician!

Maeby: I know what the shape of a banana reminds you of and I know that when I say "nuts," it makes you giggle. But do you have any other response to "here's a banana with nuts"? [frat boy laughs] Why are we even going after this idiot demographic?
George Michael: Don't you get it? They're not even eating these. They just like saying bananas and nuts. And I won't- I won't tell you why. That's your father's job.

Tobias: Come on! Let's see some bananas and nuts! Oh, perhaps we should just pull their pants off.
Phillip Litt: Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing? This is where we shoot.
Lindsay: Yeah, well, you've got competition now, 'cause we're making our own video.
Phillip Litt: Will you just get over it! It's nudity. Just because you're ashamed of your body doesn't mean everybody should be.
Tobias: Oh, really? Well, let's see how you feel about what you're packing.
[Tobias bends down and pulls down Phillip Litt's pants to reveal a pair of denim cut-offs]
Lindsay: [gasps] You're a [bleep] never-nude? You're asking girls to take their tops off, and you can't even be naked? I've gotta get this.
Tobias: Lindsay, I've already got it. I'm back into cutoffs. Lindsay?
Phillip Litt: I didn't see you at the convention.
Tobias: No, I was in Germany. I teleconferenced in.
Phillip Litt: Oh, did you go to the seminar on chafing?
Tobias: Dr. Schoenweiss. Yes.

George Michael: Look, I don't want to ruin your fun, but I hate to see guys treat you like this. You're better than that. To me, anyway. You're-
Maeby: Awesome?
George Michael: No, I was gonna say you're... You're like this flower, and I know it's springtime but I just, I'd hate to see you get plucked by someone who doesn't even care that you're blossoming.
Maeby: That's what I've been waiting to hear. [kisses George Michael on the cheek and runs away]
Narrator: Maeby was referring to the dialogue but George Michael had just rediscovered his feelings for his cousin.
George Michael: [on the phone] Hi, Ann. It's-It's George Michael Bluth. Um, when you get back into town, we should talk.

Michael: One heck of a trick you ended up pullin' in there, Gob.
Gob: Truthfully, that wasn't part of the act. I was actually trying to get the key to come out of my mouth.
Michael: That part was very surprising, but I'm talking about how you helped me get Dad out of there. Thanks to you, this family could end up being okay.
Narrator: And Gob had finally overcome his own low self-esteem.
Man: Hey, aren't you that magician who always embarrasses himself?
Gob: Not anymore. Not anymore. [falls into the pool]
Michael: Gob!
Narrator: But he lost it along with the exonerating evidence. [laughter]
Gob: They're laughing, Michael. They're laughing.
Narrator: And that's how you narrate a story.

Lucille: I won the prize! I won the prize! For what?
Michael: We were gonna give one employee a week at the spa. We were even gonna put them in the ad, but then I thought "What about Mom? She's elegant. She deserves it." I was gonna tell you at the office, but then I thought "No. If I bring her around now, she might vomit on the overhead projector."
Lucille: I'm so embarrassed about that. I don't think I was supposed to drink with my medication.
Narrator: Actually, it wasn't even her medication.
Lucille: Of course, I can't take Oscar to an elegant place. His only remaining pair of pants blew apart the other day.