Lucille: I'm busy, George. What do you want?
George Sr.: I want you, Lucille.
Lucille: In what way, George? Sexually?
George Sr.: Yes. Sexual-ish-ly.

Gob: Why wouldn't he come out?
Tobias: Oh, who knows what makes a guy think he can pass for straight? I mean, if he really is gay, he can try to hide it, but trust me, it will come out in the most unexpected balls.
Gob: Yeah, but the problem is that now the world thinks that I'm gay, and if I say it was a trick, well, then the alliance will have me by the balls.
Tobias: Uh... [laughs] Excuse me, "balls"? You realize you just said "balls"? [chuckles]
Gob: But you said balls.
Tobias: [chuckling] Oh, well that's three times I'm hearing balls now.

Maeby: Well, problem solved. Stick her with all of it. Let her buy it. She'll get all our liabilities, and then anything over two million, we get to keep.
George Michael: I can't do that to someone that I have feelings for.
Maeby: So stop having feelings for her.
George Michael: What? Is that something you can do with people?
Maeby: Yeah, once I learned how to do it with my parents, it was easy with everyone else. It's like a heart switch, you know? Click. I love you. Click. I love you not. Click. I love you. Click. I love you not. Can't you do that?
George Michael: No, but in my defense, I'm not a sociopath.
Maeby: [dramatic music plays] Click.