Maeby Quote #137

Quote from Maeby in An Old Start

George Michael: This place is yours?
Maeby: Not yet, but maybe I'll kick him out sooner than later. Maybe I'll kick him out once he gets off that goddamn chair.
George Michael: That's him right there?
Maeby: Yeah.
George Michael: Why aren't we whispering?
Maeby: Oh. He can't hear a thing. He's got horrible aids.
George Michael: [looks horrified] ... Oh, hearing aids.
Maeby: Yeah, yeah, here they call them aids. The other ones they call [whispers] aids.

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 ‘An Old Start’ Quotes

Quote from Maeby

Maeby: Look. Here's my advice. Okay? You go to Rebel's, you take my bag of lacy ticklers, hoo-ha bras, dog toys, and sex knobs with you. And you act like you're expecting a booty call, as the old people think the young people say. All right? You tell her, "I'm just here for a quickie, and I'm out of here." Mr. Brash. And she'll drop you like a buttered cane.
George Michael: Is that something old people say?
Maeby: Yeah. I'm trying to get it going.
George Michael: That's cool.

Quote from Maeby

Stan Sitwell: I'd like to see that paperwork.
Maeby: Yes. Well, I recently moved here from New Orleans, and I...
Narrator: Narrator: Maeby was proud of this lie.
Maeby: ...lost all my personal paperwork in Hurricane Cantina.
Stan Sitwell: Ooh. That's complicated.
Maeby: Yes. It is. Unless I'm expected to lose a home for the second time. Of course, I could just pack up my shorty shorts, my silky pajamas, my peekaboo bras, my ticklers, sex knobs, and lacy hoo-has and hit the road.
Stan Sitwell: I can't ask you to do that.

Quote from George Michael

Maeby: You would've had to lie about scuba, 'cause you would've been scared.
George Michael: Why do you say I'm scared of scuba? I'm not.
Maeby: You passed out at the aquarium.
George Michael: Well, they make you feel like you're underwater with all these giant...
Maeby: Dolphins?
George Michael: I still think that was some kind of smiling, kind of bemused baby shark.

 Maeby Funke Quotes

Quote from Out on a Limb

George Michael: Oh, no, it's my Dad. I'm supposed to be at work.
Maeby: You know, George Michael, you worry too much. It's Sunday. You're allowed to have a couple of hours off. You don't see me nervous about being on my third Virgin Mary.
George Michael: Why would you be nervous? There's no alcohol in a Virgin Mary.
Maeby: There isn't? This is unbelievable. Can I get a virgin pina colada when you get a chance? Now we'll get things started.

Quote from An Old Start

Maeby: Look. Here's my advice. Okay? You go to Rebel's, you take my bag of lacy ticklers, hoo-ha bras, dog toys, and sex knobs with you. And you act like you're expecting a booty call, as the old people think the young people say. All right? You tell her, "I'm just here for a quickie, and I'm out of here." Mr. Brash. And she'll drop you like a buttered cane.
George Michael: Is that something old people say?
Maeby: Yeah. I'm trying to get it going.
George Michael: That's cool.

Quote from Rom-Traum

George Michael: We've got to stop the lying in this family.
Maeby: Tell me about it. I mean, you tell one little story to get a place to live. Next thing you know, you're sorting through your roommate's pills to figure out which one will kill his sex drive.
George Michael: What you mean like estrogen?
Maeby: Wait, that's a thing? I mean, I was just day plotting.
George Michael: I'm going to stop you right there. The minute you start talking about neutering your romantic partner, you're into shit that even Gangie wouldn't do.
Maeby: The monster or the grandmother?
George Michael: The monster. But, yeah, I don't think our grandmother would do that.
Maeby: Yeah, maybe it is too far. I guess I can just pretend like I have an illness where I forget everything.
George Michael: You mean like Alzheimer's?
Maeby: That's a thing, too? I was just crime-storming. You know, just lying out loud. How funny.