TV Quotes

Narrator: And so it was Lucille who did the questioning of her new star witness, Lucille 2
Lucille: Thank you so much for coming to be my witness. You're such a large shareholder... Oh. I've made a pun.
Lucille Austero: Oh, how could I not do it for my oldest friend? Oh! Now I've gone and done a double.
Lucille: [laughs] A double. Like your pre-surgery chin.
Lucille Austero: Or your post- breakfast drink. Oh, I wish you'd come to my rehab clinic. But anything to help that Keystone Cop family of yours.
Lucille: Keystone Cops? Your references are as fresh as the wallpaper in the room of that pretend child you've had all these years. But, my friend...
Lucille Austero: You're right, I shouldn't joke. None of your family showed up, you poor thing. This is such a black mark on all of you.
Lucille: You should know about black marks. Your pillow must look like a Rorschach Test. Not that there'd be anyone to see it. So, as I was saying...

Narrator: But unfortunately, their 30 year passive-aggressive dance was losing some of its passive.
Lucille: As if everybody in this room couldn't tell how jealous and conniving you are, my dear Lucille Austero.
Lucille Austero: What I knew was that you were stealing for years. We all did! That's why nobody was surprised when you stole that boat.
Lucille: And I knew you couldn't wait to get your liver-spotted claws into my company!
Lucille Austero: Says the woman whose liver can be spotted from outer space!
Lucille: No further questions!
Lucille Austero: No further answers! Am I done?

Lucille: I'll have the Ike and Tina Tuna.
Waitress: Plate or platter?
Lucille: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.

Lucille: Don't you judge me. You're the selfish one. You're the one who charged his own brother for a Bluth frozen banana. I mean, it's one banana, Michael. What could it cost, $10?
Michael: You've never actually set foot in a supermarket, have you?