George Michael: Oh, no, it's my Dad. I'm supposed to be at work.
Maeby: You know, George Michael, you worry too much. It's Sunday. You're allowed to have a couple of hours off. You don't see me nervous about being on my third Virgin Mary.
George Michael: Why would you be nervous? There's no alcohol in a Virgin Mary.
Maeby: There isn't? This is unbelievable. Can I get a virgin pina colada when you get a chance? Now we'll get things started.

Lindsay: You know what? Tobias and I will break into her house and get the specimen. We've been looking for a little excitement.
Tobias: Yeah! It'll be fun. We will be like Tracy and Hepburn. [as Katharine Hepburn] "What do you say, you old poop?"
Lindsay: Oh, God, he's Hepburn.

Lucille: Your brother Buster wants to meet me at the beach tomorrow. Do you know what this is about? Because if it's about going in the ocean the answer is no, he's not going in the ocean.
Michael: Well, there are bigger dangers, Mom. Like, say, signing him up for the army during wartime.
Lucille: What the hell was I supposed to do? Michael Moore confronted me in front of the whole country.
Michael: First of all, it wasn't Michael Moore. It was a look-alike. And it wasn't in front of the whole country. It was for a bit on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
Lucille: I don't know who that is, and I don't care to find out.