Tobias Quote #253
Quote from Tobias in Sinking Feelings
Tobias: I'm his bastard father. This is my bastard son, Murphybrown.
Michael: Murphy? And his last name is Brown?
Tobias: No. Murphybrown is his first name. His last name is uh... Well, now it's Fünke.
Murphybrown: Oh, that's how you say it.
Tobias: Yes. He's named after a famous private investigator who worked for the Chicago Sun-Times and then for the Washington Post.
Michael: I believe it is a character from TV that was played by Candice Bergen.
Tobias: Well, that is a coincidence. [laughs] Uh, now I have two things to be embarrassed about. The second being keeping this a secret for so long. And I feel like I should apologize to maybe half the people in this room, but maybe most of all... Mother Bluth, because bringing my son back into our family clearly drove Lindsay away.
More Arrested Development Quotes
‘Sinking Feelings’ Quotes
Quote from George Sr.
George Sr.: Michael, we don't have Buster. We would never make you worry. We love you. That's why we got rid of your $700,000 debt.
Michael: Hang on. What are you talking about? I thought that was Lucille 2. You forgave the debt?
George Sr.: Of course we did. I mean, well, no, technically, we forgot the debt. We can forget it, but we can never forgive it. We need the write-off.
Quote from Lindsay
Narrator: And back at the ceremony, Lucille had taken the podium to deliver a speech her daughter thought she had failed to write.
Lucille: "As grateful as I am to be with my family today, I want to make special mention of my only daughter, who thinks I didn't write a speech. This young woman has had to show enormous strength, and not just to endure having me as a mother. [crowd laughs] But she's the one we honor today, a woman I should have honored long ago, because I've got a daughter who has many faces, and all of them are beautiful."
Maeby: She stole my speech.
Lucille: Maybe you can show the world the smile I love so much.
Maeby: That doesn't make sense without meth teeth!
Narrator: But it made sense to Lindsay.
Lindsay: I've been wanting to hear that since I was a little girl. I didn't think I would.
Lucille: Well, now you have.
Lindsay: God, it was my dream. What a waste of a dream. It's nothing. [stammering] I can see that now. I think I'm gonna go now. Find out who my real family is.
Tobias Funke Quotes
Quote from Exit Strategy
Tobias: I'm afraid I might not be able to be deposed either. I got a call out of the blue for a chance to play a very important part in The Prosecution.
Michael: The prosecution called you?
Tobias: I assume it's a CBS procedural. Although they didn't send sides, so I thought I'd trot out a Vagina Monologue, or something else I know. And they did ask for old photos and documents so I went and got these out of the secret room.
Michael: The prosecution is not a TV show. It's clearly somebody in the D.A.'s office trying to get you to flip. These guys will bend the law to enforce the law.
Tobias: Tell me that's not a CBS franchise.
Quote from The Immaculate Election
Narrator: Lindsay was about to find a replacement for Lupe as well.
Lucille: Who is it?
Tobias: [o.s.] [high-pitched voice; British accent] The new housekeeper. The agency sent me over.
Lucille: I'm sorry. I didn't call any-
Tobias: [enters] Oh, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Phyllidia Featherbottom and I can cook and I can clean and I can take care of the little ones. I can also, uh, sing a song or two, if it comes in handy. [sings] When you put a squirt of frosting down your throat Before we take our medications...
Narrator: Tobias had gained access to the studio's wardrobe and makeup department. He was eager to both see his daughter and prove to his wife that he had what it took to be an actor. It was the exact plot of the film Mrs. Doubtfire.
Tobias: In the most delicious way...
Narrator: There was also some Mary Poppins in there.
Lindsay: Let's get this house cleaned.