Michael: You're running for office now?
Lindsay: [chuckles] As a matter of fact, I am. I want to be part of the problem.

Lucille: You know our family motto. We forget, but we never forgive.
Michael: I remember the framed needlepoint.
Lucille: You'll see. In life, you don't want to carry that much hate.
Michael: Although, by not forgiving, you're throwing everything out and just keeping the hate.
George Sr.: Well, how do you think she keeps that figure?

Narrator: George Sr. and Gob had also been in Mexico and were growing tired of their fruitless peacocking.
George Sr.: I hate everything about my life, including you.
Gob: Well, that's not the horniest thing I've heard.
George Sr.: Daddy not horny.
Gob: Yeah, I guess these shirts kind of pumped up the pressure on that.
George Sr.: [laughs] I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like one of these bulls on my breasts. [chuckles] His whole life, he's bred to be the strongest and the toughest and he's got to have the biggest balls. Why? So when you're in your prime, they can drug you and throw you out in front of a crowd of people who all just want to see you die so some guy in crushed velvet pants can come out and just stick a sword in you. You're a bull who wants to stick it in everybody, and everybody ends up sticking it in you.