Narrator: Michael came home upset that his one-night stand wasn't over.
Gob: You should have stayed with me last night. You could have seen me get some major action from a major blonde who just majored in marine biology, if you know what I mean.
Michael: I don't know what you mean. I can't imagine what that means.

Gob: You and Dad are getting divorced?
Lucille: Oh, don't worry, sweetie. No one is fighting over you. And don't worry about Barry reading the plea. We'll let your father rot in prison.
George Sr.: [enters] Take the plea. We're taking the plea!
Lucille: We're going to trial, you're going to lose, and you're going to stay in there.
Michael: That's enough, Mom.
Lucille: For him? Nothing's enough. You'd think a man locked up in prison would be able to abstain. Your father, with his disgusting tweaking! I couldn't breast-feed any of you kids because of that man!

Maeby: So here's the test that I failed.
George Michael: Oh, okay. Yeah, I see the problem right away. You, uh... You got all the answers wrong. You know you, you even got your name wrong here. It says, "S. Funke."
Maeby: Yeah, well, see, what they want you to do is put an "S" if you're single, an "M" if you're married. I mean, most of us are all single, but it's a whole government thing, so... Yeah.
George Michael: Okay. So the first thing you want to do when you're dealing with fractions...
Maeby: Yeah. So I'm gonna go, okay? So just fill in all the right answers here, and I'll see where I went wrong. And you're getting paid for this right?
George Michael: There was talk of ice cream, but not exactly on my terms. [Maeby pulls out cash] Wow! Where did you get all that? Do you have a job or something?
Maeby: No, but you do. Now, look. Don't feel guilty. I don't really need tutoring anyways, okay? Enjoy the 200 bucks.
George Michael: Oh, there there's six 20s here.
Maeby: That's right.