TV Quotes

Narrator: Tobias knew it was time to find out what he was truly meant to do. So when he came across a book the universe had placed in his path, he was open to its inspiration.
Tobias: They're still reading it, but... Well, I guess I can leave them some Love.
Narrator: So he just took Eat and Pray. Eat was easy, although it provided no cosmic answers for him. But it was the part about India that really got to him. And so, like the heroine of Eat, Pray-
Tobias: Wait a minute.
Narrator: Tobias decided to get as far away from his wife as possible.
Narrator & Tobias: And so Tobias found himself booking passage to India.

Lindsay: There's nothing keeping us together. It's time to give up our dreams if they're not working. You know, your acting career, this marriage that everyone thinks is a sham because you're gay.
Tobias: I'm- I'm sorry. Everyone thinks I'm gay?
Lindsay: Well, I mean, it's kind of a running joke in the family. I mean, you know that, right? 'Cause of the misleading way you talk sometimes.
Tobias: You're saying the way I talk makes me sound gay? When in the last year have I said anything remotely-
[11 seconds earlier:]
Tobias: [sings] It's just a phallus...see!
[present:]
Tobias: misleading? Is this because I want to be an actor and all the leading men in Hollywood are gay?
Lindsay: I don't think that all the leading men in Hollywood are gay.
Tobias: Oh, honey.

Narrator: Scandalmakers was a show that reenacted headline-grabbing stories. The latest was about the Bluth family, the rights of which had been signed away by Tobias in exchange for the part of George Sr.
TV Narrator: When allegations surfaced he'd illegally built homes in Iraq George Bluth Sr., assisted by his secretary, Kitty escaped the country.
Narrator: Due to poor acting, the burden of the story was placed on the narrator.
TV Narrator: Only to be found hiding under one of the homes that he built.
Narrator: He was actually found in a hole near the house, but this inattention to detail was typical of the laziness the show's narrator was known for.
George Sr. actor: I can't survive under the house. Perhaps an attic shall I seek.
Narrator: Real shoddy narrating. Just pure crap.

Narrator: Restless, Buster went to the kitchen to find something to help him sleep when he came across Lucille's emergency stash of wine-
Buster: Motherlode.
Narrator: ...which he mistook for a giant juice box. It was the first taste of alcohol Buster had since he was nursing.